31st December 2011

so tragic ._.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Shepard

30th December 2011

he looks more like a serpent dont u think LOL

Para para paradise.

This was my previous blog, http://paradoxicallysadistic.blogspot.com/ I'd continue with it, but it's having around 1000 posts already and it's time for a fresh new start.

This is my NEW blog, http://shadowedbylight.blogspot.com/

Not as depressing as the posts in my old blog, I swear. Not the same old black background, I swear. Sick of that shit already. Gotta start being more positive in life. Go visit if y'all have time.

AND OMG FLAMIE THAT DRAGON IS SO CUTE. I'd hearts it and glomp it if I could!

Isn't it just cute? :D

Don't ask. ;_; No idea why I posted this either.

Greetings Anne, Kenji ~~

Glad your family is doing well Anne, and congrats on getting into your university of first choice :D. It's not snowing yet, but it probably will in Jan.

Now, kenji, I know I said I would post some drawings but - >hasn't gotten around to it. LOL, but eh. Draw a Gray now?

Dear Flamie and Kenji,

Have yourselves a Merry Christmas!

No white Christmas here of course, but you'll probably be seeing some snow, right Flamie?

I have quite a few reasons to be happy. The Christchurch earthquake occurred a day after my parents flew back to Malaysia. Had they decided to stay there for another day longer, they would have been involved - and wouldn't be able to fly home for Christmas.

I won't be going to the university in Christchurch anymore because the previous university has suddenly decided to give me an offer. It's slightly odd that they're doing it so spontaneously, but hey - alright. The writer in me is screaming in agony because I did think it'd be nice to be able to cover live reports of the Christchurch earthquakes, but I guess more stability in life is important for myself too.

So, Merry Christmas again. I'm thankful that my parents, and my siblings, are safe, sound and unharmed.

Approximately one and a half month more to my departure from Malaysia to a new life.

22nd December 2011

so. with my recent craze over loki, i decided to draw him HAHAHAHA

Back from NZ, back from prom, aaaah plucking eyebrows and curling hair and contacts (fuck I must've poked my eyes numerous times) and mascara and ohmygod I don't want to ever look pretty again.

Anyway.

I'm glad to see you being back, Flamie. Quitting Jap doesn't mean you won't have a chance to learn it in the future again, you know? Priorities of course, but I'm sure you'll get a chance. Lifelong learning, yes?

And Kenji.

Don't give up so soon, 'kay?

I miss you both. So glad to see you two still here and sharing thoughts.

17th December 2011

well. the photos are on facebook anyway LOOL.

he went to china today. probably on the first hour on the plane now :o won't see him for a week, doubt he'll even bother to text from there so yea.

till u guys come back ._.

-kenji

I've handed in a "resignation" letter, if you would call it that.

Would've probably...gotten a better grade in japanese than in product design.
-but, at the end of the day, japanese is more, stressful, you know?
Even if, japanese would have probably got me an A, and product design will probably be within the C-B boundary. (I still want an A instead of C-B though heh, no matter how unlikely that is.)

.__________________.
>Stressed enough during Os already.

So yeah,

KENJI, Y JOO SHY? D:

Don't be man.

Because we're the three...gummy bears? *cough*

Orange, green and yellow~


Missing you both ;_;

14th December 2011

cause i found it embarassing =/

if you really like it try to keep it~

but if the workload is too much then i cant say anything :/

i miss you 2. D;

Nuu! Kenji, I saw that yesterday!

Why'd you remove the post >:  with the funky images?

Hello Kenji, Anne,

...I ended up dropping Japanese.
Having 5 subjects didn't work for me, I guess, especially whilst I was missing 4/9 lessons for product design...and the kind of workload from the other 3,  maths, english literature, and information technology.

,____, so yeah.

Don't damn me Anne D: ...
I really miss you guys too...

It's okay to cry, Kenji. That's what makes us the most human, won't you think so?

SPM's finally over. I'm off to NZ, will be back on 16/12/11. In the mean time, take care, will you?

Btw I finished watching Angel Beats. The first episode was pretty much wtf, but after that it was really enjoyable, humorous - and it makes me learn stuff too. :)

I miss you two, Flamie and Kenji! Damn you Flamie, I'm so gonna strangle you when you get back next year...

5th december 2011

hmmm, so recently, okay now for that matter.
i was struggling with the concept of "love" and actually came to find some understanding of it. im not saying these are true, but are observations on how it happens and or how its portrayed in movies. also some points i noted and saw happening to myself based on the movie "apple of my eye"

i realized although as cliche as the plot of the show is, it still generated alot of revenue. reason is people were able to relate to the simplistic style of the story and the innocence in which the audience sees from the amateur actors. < assuming they are amateurs. anyway i've come to see how love happens in the movie and based on myself.

i'm not assuming love at first sight is wrong. but i generally think that you truly like a person after time. love at first sight should be more considered as infatuation, or perhaps lust. it feels significant at first but generally wears off over time, i mean can you imagine yourself spending your entire lifetime with said person if you barely know anything about them at all?. generally love at first sight seems rather beneficial, assuming your in some sort of education, the people who fall into this infatuation really do not have the guts to talk to said crush. as observed when i saw my stupid classmates, i mean friends. i do note that they feel some form of hurt. well duh. but yes although painful it does not strike to me as excruciatingly horrible. it takes about a week or less to get over such a crush. evident from when my friend had his crush crushed. and was all better after a little shopping trip at orchard with a few friends. but at the same time i do note that certain individuals tend to suffer a little longer then a week. well everyone's different.

anyway to get to the point.
i truly believe love, well isn't achievable at first sight. it happens over time. its something nobody can control as well. certain factors do play a part though.

firstly, it begins as friends. being friends means you already established common ground and a mutual connection and understanding. and as time goes by, lets assume you become closer. trust is established. and you proceed from just the "hi" from the hallways to talking over the phone and going out. i'll quote myself as an example. i met him early last year. we were just saying "hi" or pulling stupid antics to eachother nothing more. but we started talking more this year and got closer, later on trust was established and he confided his problems with me. and then we proceed to the next stage

then it proceeds to the next stage. being best friends, this part is where you have a great understanding for eachother. you slowly start going out more with eachother and enjoy eachother's company. it goes to the point where you speak the same words sometimes and have same mindsets. you care for the fella. i'll quote myself as an example. as he confided his problems with me, concerning some wh0re he liked, i as well a kind person, most of the time tried my best to cheer him up. even going to the point of surprising him with a birthday cake on his birthday, at that point i didn't know or feel anything, but slowly i found myself forming some type of affection for him. i didn't notice it though. i blame it on the time i spent with him alone. just me and him. we went out several times, alone just me and him, i soon found myself slowly attracted to him. not in a sexual manner, but i just liked being with him, talking to him. thats where the friendship boundary was crossed and i found myself "loving" him more than just in friend terms. and yes this is the part where u find yourself in love. through the time spent together and through the mutual understanding you both share after being in company with one another. it feels amazing at this point, being with said person. i find this form of attraction more genuine then the so called infatuation. this form is rather refined. im not saying that any form of affection is better. but hey this one seems more real. but yes with more happiness gained from this form of attraction, the draw back is even more painful as well. i found myself crying, feeling excruciating pain in my "heart" as i found myself neglected and not being able to spend time with him. it got so bad that i went all the way to look for him before he had to go to work. (i left home at 6am) to get to his place. it hurts like a prick. i wallowed in self pity. the pain was fucked up.

okay, wtf i suddenly lost track of where i was going HAHAHAHA.

sorry for da wall of text. was just penning down my thoughts. i miss you flamie and anne ;-;.

I told myself that at this point, it's really ridiculous to get boyfriends.

There's not a chance that long-distance relationships would work.

Not a chance.

I remember I had an ex who was from Canada. It was literally a 24 hour timezone difference.

And it was hard.

Sometimes we just have to be responsible and be the first to let go.

Sigh. Four more subjects to go. It sucks to be having sleeping problems again.

27th november 2011

i like you, i still do,
being with you just makes me happy,

i can't believe i spent time to go find u when ur halfway across singapore at 6am
i can't believe i actually sent u home. hoping it'd make an impact.

yet you still reply me with such coldness in ur messages.
still so busy, despite this being your last day at work,

it hurts,. it still does. i wish u'd see me the way i'd see you.

What the hell, but why?!

I'm going to disappear for awhile.

Thank you, Kenji and Anne for being there. 

I'll miss you both.

Till next Jan, 2012.

Pass my regards onto shadow,

Anne, I'm sure you'll succeed in your spm and get good grades.

Kenji, you're strong willed so, heck, nothing will keep you down for long. 

Take care you both, alright? 

Early Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. 

Flamie, I DID email them. I always communicate through email - but they're ignoring me. I might have to pull out the big gunz soon.

Cough, I meant my mum.

Anyway, Flamie, I have that problem on and off too. Repeating stuff in the head, yes? I don't know about you, but normally this problem doesn't persist long for me. It goes away after a while as soon as I'm distracted with something else.

Want to know something else? This problem normally only happens to me when I'm really stressed up with exams, or just general problems.

Distract yourself for some time. Have some entertainment. And more importantly, regulate the audio library you have in your pc. Different sorts of music might help remove those annoying voices in your head. Read a book. Play some online games. Do anything, as long as you get away from anything that's currently pushing you in life.

Don't worry. I assure you you're not going mad or anything. Somehow it must be how our mind responses when we're faced with different sorts of situations.

23rd November 2011

madness, thats pretty cool.
i wouldn't mind having that actually.
at the rate im going, (seeing the person almost everyday knowing i can't have him)
i think i might end up psychotic, i mean even my subconcious likes torturing me in my dreams.

cheers flamie to having kishin posses us. LOL
on a more serious note u might wanna go get urself checked out at the doctor just in case

I'm glad you're doing well Anne :D
...Kenji too :D

Regarding Calculus...actually, I was pretty sure that it wasn't in the syllabus in this country. Turns out, as I have recently found out....calculus is differentiation and integration.

The reaction at this discovery: "!!!"

But yes, Anne, sucks that they haven't replied. Did you send it by letter or email? o_o try email if you haven't.

Thanks for the advices, you two.

Hope y'all are doing fine.

I'm doin' okay, just that the university's pissing me off by not replying me. I mean, come on. I'm enquiring. The least you all should do is to fucking reply.

Off to munch on some lovely doujinshis and anime while figuring out how to solve a complicated calculus problem.

Take care and don't let anything get y'all down.

20th november 2011 part 2

i found myself smiling as i drew the 2 people. which were meant to be me n him. i truly think i was in love this time. ah well i feel way better now knowing he's striaght n i'll never have him ^^

20th November 2011

so i drew this yesterday, i think i am starting to feel better. yea its good i guess.

Depends on whether you're up for it or not, Anne.
There will be some drawbacks completing it in half the time - be prepared to work like a sunovabish and stress, let's not forget the stress.

....but, wouldn't it be thrilling, constantly learning new things? and at the end of it all, wouldn't it be fulfilling?

If yes, do it.

If no, don't do it.

it's your take on it, Anne.

18th november 2011

you've been given the chance to proceed at a faster rate in life.
i say go for it,

The university has seen my results for my trial exams, are impressed, and have offered me to complete my college year in half a year instead of one full year.

Which means I may be able to enter university immediately next mid year.

I'm hesitant on the offer, but my dad thinks I should go all out for it.

There are a lot of things to consider - it'd mean double the stress, double the workload, everything - doubled up.

Thoughts, Flamie and Kenji?

I'm sorry I woke you up, Flamie. I totally forgot about the time difference when I sent that text back.

Normally I don't really give a damn about things but yeah SPM makes my brain funky. I end up studying along with sad songs and it's raining continuously and oh it's not really a happy atmosphere, but what the heck.

Sometimes I feel that it's okay to feel a little crazy in life, Kenji.

Just make sure you don't tip the scales over.

18th november 2011

tonight was to be a night of enjoyment,
i find myself being distant from the one i have feelings for,
he doesn't seem to give a fuck about my thoughts as well,
he goes with the crowd craves for the company,
while all i want is just him,
he spares no thought about ignoring my messages or two,
even if he does reply its just a word or so,
tonight i found him giving more ignorance to what im facing,
i feel as if a stake has been driven into my chest,
it hurts,
it hurts so bad,
i just want the torment to end,
i stand here alone in my room,
plagued by emotions that weren't meant to bloom,
i shared my emotions on twitter,
only for you not to give a fuck at all,
you're prolly having fun at some after party which i didn't want to attend,
heck u must be having the time of your life, you are after all sleeping over,
tonight i shed more tears of remorse,
as i fell in love with a someone so coarse,
why can't you see that your actions make me so sad?
why can't you tell that u make me feel inferior and unimportant as well?
why oh why cant you effing tell,
tonight i shed more tears until theres no more to shed at all.
and all i have is just a screen to type to as no one cares at all.

17th november 2011

epic flamie is epic . xD
good luck again for your spm anne,

now to rant.
i find myself still being manipulated by these crappy feelings of affection, it has been made very clear that he is well straight, i don't know its hard to tell, i keep telling myself not to define him as something important to me or in my life, yet i still find myself being stupidly in love with him, talking to him, being with him, all makes me happy. and yet so hurt at the same time, i cannot stand how sensitive i am to the way he treats me. i find myself being all sad devastated and in rage when he doesn't seem to pay attention to my feelings, i hate that he doesn't even fucking realize what i am experiencing, and bother to be nicer or attempt to be more attentive when i try to talk to him, all i can say is fuck myself and fuck love. after all it is all my own doing that im feeling stupid nowadays. ah well. hopefully this feeling will pass on soon.


so today is prom night, everyone's dressing up etc etc. looking forward to it,

Good luck again, Anne! >I'm finding it amusing that I sent you a text wishing you good luck before seeing your post :x.

but hmm ;_;....

I have done something rather...embarrassing today. I must say though, that I don't remember it at all.
Apparently whilst I conked out on the settee in the living room where my family was celebrating my sister's birthday and doing the..."Happy birthday to you," song - I, asleep, sort of sat up for a brief few moments and went: "Happeh birt-day to yhooo," when they were on the last verse before hitting the pillow again, dead asleep.

;_;...they aren't gonna let me live it down

16th november 2011

good luck for spm anne :D

SPM began on 14/11/11.

It'll end on 7/12/11.

Working hard atm.

Having sleeping problems again.

Guess what, romance novels after an evening of studying helps me relax and sleep.

How amusing is that?

"I don't know what to do with my life."


Btw, theres a universal studio in singapore? WTF. cheer up kenji ~

12th november 2011

i had an interesting day at universal studios on 11/11/11 :) reinforcing moi feelings for himz. booo me.

Lest we forget

On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, WWI formally ended. 

This year's is a bit special wouldn't you say? 11/11/11. 

Anneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D hows studying?

I've just realised something. We've passed the 100 post count already huh o_o.

Yaaaaaaaawn.

Not much to input lately.

Hope you two are doing fine.

9th november 2011

still being foolish!
im doing fine flamie pew. hope u guys are doing fine as well. btw flamie cygnus is lv160 to enter. sucks huh

Seriously Anne? Ouch. That's....is it something to do with the fact that malaysia is an Islamic country? I mean - I remember somewhere in their holy book it says to kill "the one who is doing it and the one is it being done to" in reference to gays/lesbians.

Kenji, no laughing trees man. LOL. By the way, I didn't make this very clear, but it's only uhm, Roman Catholic churches. I'm not sure about other types of Christianity - however, I do know that some more "modern" or protestant as you would call it - churches, do accept homosexuals being together to some extent.

Hmm...a few things of today:

Early in the morning - Flames nearly used his toothbrush to literally brush his hair before realising two seconds later "oh...it's a toothbrush not a comb,"

Later in the day - Flames helped teach a year 7 class (5 years junior) maths. ...and was surprised by the ridiculously low level before he remembered "oh...no wonder I used to doodle and sleep in class."

...and now, it's 5pm. Alas, *scurries off to work*

Kenji, Anne, hope you're both doing well

It's not only in Europe.

They've just banned a gay/lesbian rights march in Malaysia here.

But I love my friends, and no matter who you all choose and who you all are in the future, I'm still gonna be there for all of you. Like hell if I care what your sexual preferences are. That's for the 'tards, people. And 'tards will be 'tards, cause they're 'tards.


The world has lots of 'tards. We just gotta live with 'em.

6th november 2011

it has started. the rebellion i started forming since last year has finally taken action. soon. the churches shall fall. and flamie shall be stuck in a forest full of laughing trees. -maniacal laugh-

This may interest you, kenji,

according to a news report today, many people are opting out of religion as in..."going to church," because of the "strong stance" against homosexuality. o_o....

...but it's only in europe.

November 5th 2011

thanks. anne.
good luck on your upcoming spm.

i need to rant today,

recently i've been crushing on a guy, who appears to be reciprocating my feelings. though i assume its a joke, for comic relief. after all i've read of straight people just pretending for the heck of it. but then again, i let my feelings blind my rational thought. what was i thinking? i let a obviously straight guy fool me into thinking that i actually might've had the chance to find happiness. god i sound so cheesy. i let him fool me into thinking we could get into a relationship. i hate my emotions. i hate the fact that im a homosexual, i hate the fact that i have to find out if the other party is the same sexual orientation before even continuing progress. if i bother to take a risk it either gets akward or the friendship basically ends or my social life just basically comes to a halt and comes shattering down. i hate all of these. fuck conservatist . fuck the singaporean sexual discrimination campaigns. fuck its laws. but most importantly fuck myself for falling for someone not in my grasp. and letting myself get fooled by the gestures the habits the way we talk. now i have to go through the entire process of being angered. upset and hurt. ah well its life i can't stop this. but just maybe i was wishing for this to work out. screw this. ah well. i shall not let myself to get fooled anymore by the gestures and the way of speech we seem to have. i shall shatter this fantasy i carved for myself.

okay thats done. i bought a suit today!!! :D i spent a bomb like $400 and stuff. really happy.~ k maybe not.

Congratulations, Kenji.

May you be happy and prosper immensely.

5th november 2011

actually i have 1 last paper next week. its just mcq though n lasts an hour LOL.

Malay is....o_o...*stares at anne's photo*

but. LOL. dammit kenji, must you always bring up those trees? you're never gonna let me live it down D:

but. yeah, anne, if it was my subconsciousness trying to tell me something,
                              then, I have a very honest and blunt subconcious, especially if that dream is
                                what I think it is in a metaphorical sense.

Ahem. I think the big mention of the day goes to: KENJI. Grats man, you smashed those exams :D.

4th November 2011

I AR FREE FROM THE CURSE OF O LEVELS

le laughing trees be amused

tomorrow's the last day of exams. FREEEDOM IS IN MY REACH
and, i didnt screw accounting ultra badly. despite not studying. woohoo.
and things are starting to get akward with me and the guy i like, public displays of affection apparently get different views from others. but ah well who cares.

Officially had our graduation ceremony today.

Oh, in case you're wondering, it translates to - "Graduation Ceremony 2011 and Pn. Sim's Retirement", with the date, time and location below. Yeah, we had a teacher retiring and that coincided with our graduation ceremony, but no matter. I've graduated, and am about to face the war of O-Levels. Not yet, not now, but pretty damn soon.

Flamie, that was seriously a grotesque dream. I've had dreams of killing, being killed, teeth falling out, hand being slashed, being chased, repeated zombie nightmares, etc., but I've never had a dream of nails like that. Come to think of it, I wonder why wasn't there any blood in your nightmare. Mine always end up being so bloody. They say that dreams are actually in the form of your subconscious mind trying to tell you something - either that or we have somehow focused on those things so much that they come to us at night.

I dreamt of nails

It was one of those dream within a dream within a dream things. Horror-based for some reason, kind of, disturbing for an imagination.

Hey Anne, nice to see you too :D.

Kenji, stop beating yourself up over it okay? The exams' are done and dusted :/. Focus on achieving better on your remaining papers instead and, don't doubt yourself too much!

Regarding the lad who's caught your interest,
...might it be the same guy you've been pinning over for awhile now? You know, that one that used to sit next to you and distract you lots? o.o

And Anne, regarding your post...
You're right.
This is my face reading uncharted topics: "...ಠ_ಠ" It is the look of ಠ_ಠ = "I see..."

But hmmm...O levels eh? ~nostalgic~ T-this might sound strange, but I kind of miss it, because, because, I got to spend more time with you guys .___.
Alright, I'm off, drowning in papers - coursework meh x_x.

again

again i cannot help but stress my stupidity on missing out on that FREE A. which could be really USEFUL for my results. great job kenji. go smack yourself.

1st november 2011

i wont be contributing to the earthly population actually. i'll be depriving another individual from contributing. heh.

anyways rather foul mood today.

chem was easy. but due to my ignorance and my lack of reading for a particular question and the fact that i didnt trust my fucking gut. i prolly missed out on a very high A. all i can say is fuck myself for not reading and loosing that 6/65 marks. seriously fuck myself. i screwed up a good chance of getting a decent mark. thats all i can say.i bid thee farewell to my good o level marks for science. because i'll need a really high A for physics to balance it out because im stupid enough to miss out on 6 free freaking marks.

Dear Flamie, all these might seem gibberish to you - but it's more for Kenji to read, and I needed a place to express myself as well. So, here goes.

It was Halloween yesterday.

Of course nothing interesting happened. I stayed at home, knocked some stuff around, and tried my hardest to study.

And oh, my thoughts wavered around an ex of mine that I met during last year's Halloween party. I had dressed myself up as a witch, though people were so convinced I came as an anime character thanks to those fishnet gloves I got at some shop. My ex - he actually came as Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist - I still have the damn photos. He bought the whole darn outfit, complete with the silver pocket watch and all. Anyway, the rest of it was history. We hit it off, and were quite a source of gossip amongst school mates. We had our 'fun' in school, but I finally broke the relationship up after I came back with deep thoughts from my Europe trip in December. I didn't feel connected to him, and he was just being pushy over kissing. You all probably remember how I ranted about that.

Things were complicated after that. We rarely spoke to each other, and he was too afraid of giving me the cake he baked for my birthday. I didn't know about that, and only realized it a few days ago when his friends told me.

And so I casually texted him last night (Physics is a bitch), just for the heck of it. We were polite, pleasant, and the whole thing was fun. I smiled in a genuine manner after that, because I felt as if something heavy was lifted off me. It was probably the guilt. For months he and I could never talk to each other normally, and last night...well, sometimes someone just has to take the first step.

Dear, dear Kenji -

It's normal to fall hard. All the guys that I have truly fallen hard for have never accepted me, but guess what? I'm not going to give up on love, or the theory of love - until I finally find it. If you've ever come across close to giving it up (as how I sometimes feel), then remind yourself that since we've - ba-duhm - achieved a seven billion human population in this world, true love's probably waiting somewhere out there. In another country, in another place - someone - no, wait, I'm confident that thousands, even millions - are thinking about finding a real partner for themselves too.

What are the chances of us failing again, and again? High, definitely. But what are the odds of us failing again, and again - for the rest of our lives - and not even have a proper relationship which we truly cherish - once?

Keep living life, because somewhere out there - there are people who actually fight for their lives. People who fight to live, people who live to fight.

Anne's random rant #2 - OMG LIKE BBQ TWO MORE WEEKS AND SPM A.K.A O-LEVELS WILL HIT ITS OFFICIAL BEGINNING.

31st October 2011

well well, i seem to be in quite a predicament. but before i get to that, i shall elaborate on my day first, couldnt sleep at all last night, had to wake up with barely enough sleep for literature, well i did finish the paper ofcourse n i think i did fairly well. hopefully, tomorrow is chemistry and by the end of the week i'll be freeeeeeeee!

okay anyways. i seem to be fighting off my feelings, i seem to have fallen for a friend of mine. typically a guy friend of mine who i have been getting close to since the beggining of the year. problem is, he's well a guy, he's nice and all and im typically falling for him. i've been questioning my feelings for him for quite some time. since well august typically. even my phone application knows my feelings which is well kinda obvious. then again he's straight and thats something i have to deal with. okay im not exactly sure if he's straight. we talk all lovey dovey in texts and online and in real life, but i know its in a joking matter, should i let myself be fooled? nah. he's fallen for this girl, thats rejected him a couple of times. well since he likes a girl is he considered straight? i dont know. gah i hate being homosexual, its like when u fall for someone its so hard, u never know if they are of the same sexuality and when u try it might screw the friendship. bleh, today he came over to study. it was fun. things for physical and it lead me to question he's sexuality. but ah well. i shall not think about it for now.i recently found this website for horoscope and it really depicts my personality well. when a pisces falls for someone, they fall hard.

ah love, this strange emotion, why do you choose to surface now of all times and for someone whom i will most definitely not want to be in a relationship with, because as we all know a relationship leads to broken friendship in the end. not that i should be expecting a relationship to begin in the first place. enough about my stupid babblings of love..

chemistry is tomorrow. 4days left. BANZAI!

30th october

cause i only viewed the first 30seconds.

well literature tomorrow, followed by a final week for exams and its bye bye sec school

Indeed, life as it is...deserves a double facepalm. 

Ah, getting nostalgic eh, kenji? "Joo" getting old' *cough* LOL :x 

Kenji, regarding that spoilt brat comment you made...I remember in the past when you talked about having "gates" and a "maid" and spent money on @cash like water...I thought and said to you: "wtf, rich arse." 

But iphone 4s? that's cool.

Would like to write some reminiscent stuff here over the past few years with you and shadow...and later on, anne, but...to be frank, not much time atm. Thus, ending this blog post here. 

Perhaps later.  

(Btw Kenji, how could you not notice the Mario and Pokemon themes ?!)

29th october

final fantasy eh? :O

i wish i had more things to post about. LOL

i feel so pampered =( i asked my parents for an iphone 4s and they said they'd get it for me in a few days. and im like "wow" im spoiled :(

so yea anyways had tuition earlier in the morning today, my sleeping patterns are back to normal as well . AMAZINGGG

after next week my exams will be officially over and i can bid secondary school goodbye once and for all. doubt i'll be getting my 12 points but its fine

looking back on these 4years of education, or well 4years of life in a asian version of high school. they were well memorable

i could see myself mature as the years passed on,

in year 1 i was a pampered spoiled little brat,oh wait i still kinda am, oh well i was way more immature in thinking then, i thought that by spewing vulgarities and acting gangsta that it'd be intimedating , ahh good times... there was a whole lot of dramatic conflicts back then, involving msn blogs and friendster then. haha good times. i had the most amazing first 3 months of secondary school there. everything went downhill from then on,

in year 2, it was a whole lot of lazing around, followed by your average drama, bad teachers, education, basically meh. friendships falling apart. etc etc. not really memorable

in year 3 however, things changed i started becoming more mature in my thinking. no longer da internet gangsta, i started to think about the stupidity of my actions, and started thinking on a whole new perspective, it was this year that i was introduced to dota by shadow. and through that game. well. things started to differ, it was interesting at first. because of this one single game, i reconciled with a friend who well hated me from year 2. it was because of this game that i started to be known as a "pro" player from the people of my grade. well known by the simpletons actually. i started to vent out my anger onto those i hated in the game. it was well fun and interesting. i noticed myself transitioning from a spoiled pampered brat, who is mean to the bone and superficial in everyway, into well someone nicer, who could keep thy opinions to myself. it was interesting to see myself change. amazing year indeed. i realized that a single game such as this made me a lot of new friends and helped me meet a lot of new people. and for this great experience which made me more social rather then quiet in a new class enviroment i thank you shadow. because you introduced me into this game, made me realize i have the potential to excel in anything i put my mind into, i remember when we started dota and we were getting raped by innocent easy ais , but look at me now i can confidently go into almost any game n thrash the hell out of anyone in it. looking back, year 3 was definitely an interesting year to behold.

and finally. year 4, the final year. its not completely over yet, its suppose to be a studious year, but yet here i am blogging and basically burning my time away because i simply will not study.anywho, this year has gone by so fast. i mean it was just january and now its already the time for my finals. nothing much to comment about this year. there were fallouts, stupid moments, disappointments,fun times and well basically all the crappy things a teen goes through. it was this year that i finally felt infatuated with someone. someone way out my reach but it was worth the experience, i started feeling the emotions all the people i claim to be simpletons go through, it was well amazing and yet sad at the same time. ahhh, lets hope next year i fall for someone actually in reach for me. and well worth my time and effort, and with this i bid my days of secondary school fare well. well in a week that is. TEEHEE.

VERBAL SPAMZM FTW.



Pedooo...face

Dragon nest eh? xD. Glad today's maths paper went well for you kenji :).

Y-youthful fountain of love?! The reaction timeline: O_O...0_0...0_o... o_o...ಠ_ಠ

Apologies for the pic spam earlier, kenji. >Tis flames got too carried away with editting pictures, it was fun ಠ_ಠ

Btw, you guys should listen to this (recognise any of the tunes?)

Indeed this blog has become a make-shift MSN

hi peepur

math paper 2 was da bomb. it was kinda easy. + - my careless mistakes and lack of time. :D .

after my o's and when spm is over. lets all head to dragon nest. seems way more better then maple actually. just that company is needed lol.

anyway, flamie why chiu edit photos ಠ_ಠ .

ಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠ

and yea anne your right. make shift msn xD

Trolls, eh? Well, Kenji, not everybody who are good in English are pedantic bastards. [grin] But yes, I do know that the standard of English in Singapore is at least higher than Malaysia's. I mean, have you even seen how some people write in my class? You'd probably be one of those above average peeps who could get an A for our SPM.

I need to study.

Ah, the youthful fountain of love has drizzled upon me! I have the urge to sing, cheer and write page after page of romantic bullshit verses that could have pitted against Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet back in the old England days!

Ugh...no...fuck that. Even typing that out took a sheer amount of willpower.

You're right, Flamie, I can't spout romantic verses to save my life. Good going on those wtf looks. I'll say, some look immensely creepy though. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and have Brock staring at you with that pedoface.

No, really, I have to study.

Gotta get the hell outta here.

By the way, know something? I'm glad we created this blog. See, even if we don't come online at the same timings, we still get to keep in contact with each other. This blog has kinda turned into our temporary MSN - just with longer messages, that's all.

Here, kenji,

(*cough* okay, maybe, not a very good joke but...eh...cheer up kenji, maths is one of those subjects that need you to check over it, over and over till you're sure you didn't get anything wrong) .__.

Btw, now that anne mentions it, I remember you mentioning a masquerade dance...but hmm, a suit eh? as in a tux? that's cool, always wanted to wear one :D.  Hmm, if i remember correctly, you're in that committee that's making the masks right? :D

wait - wait, does this mean singaporeans in your class are wonderful in english or? D: ...what do you mean by trolls? good/bad? @@

Anne, if you had spouted a romantic, mysterious comment...two things could have occurred.
1. (?_?) eh?           2. ಠ_ಠ....ಠ_ಠ....
and then kenji would've gone:
"Who are chu and what have you done with Anne?

>Okay, need to get back to maths too.

Edit: awesome pictures

Did you say...pokemon? 

Hurrrrh! Eat this, earth! My disapproval extends this far! 

Team Rocket...I see you - twinkling stars....how the hell do you survive every single time?

I am Republican! They can't fire me!

You dare sit on ME? I am THE CHAIR. You do not mess with THE CHAIR.

Alright, I admit, I'm getting a little carried away here. I'm sorry, couldn't help it. LOL

>Okay, seriously back to maths now.

27th October

hello people,
your wrong flamie, i've met a tremendous amount of trolls i mean people who are wonderful in english in sg. and they are in my grade.

so anyways Math paper 1 was well, disappointing . i thought i did well. considering it was rather easy. the answers just came out online and well.

despite me considering it easy. i recon i got around 60+/80 marks for paper one. thats not good at all. ~_~ hopefully paper 2 tomorrow is okay. doubt i'll be able to meet the quota this year for A1. 12 points for my poly is gone case.

Kenji's getting one of those Zara suits for a masquerade dance, Flamie. In a way, I'm envious - never been to any of those before.

It'll be nice to walk around in a mask, poking and tripping people without them knowing who you are of course. What, were you expecting me to spout a romantic, mysterious comment? :D

Hmm...I'm going to have a lot of trouble adjusting my sleeping time again next week. Whenever there are holidays, I tend to sleep at 5.30am, which would be the time I should be waking up for school. Then I'll wake up at 1pm, which would be the time I come back from school for lunch.

Mmf. Can't be helped. I just want my exams to come to me RIGHT HERE and RIGHT NOW because I was born impatient, which leads to me wanting to just hop into the future as soon as possible without the long wait. Yes, it makes me sound horribly prepared - which I'm not. But I'm ignoring that fact for now because I know I'll come to regret that comment the day before the exam. Yes yes, I know myself well enough to know that.

Now, then...I'm hungryyy.

Yo kenji, anne!

Kenji, whats the suit for? o.o best of luck on maths.

I'm very tempted to wager that point with you, Anne :x. I find your viewpoint on freedom to be very idealistic.
I would like to say I'm well chuffed but er well, just fine, I guess, hope you two are doing well! But, Uwahhh, anne... ~is very envious of your holidays~

Hmm, regarding Halloween though...it's not a widely done sport over here either...it's very...how should I say, americanised? Sure, little kids here and there would celebrate halloween but when you get over the age of childhood it begins to get quite creepy. imagine a 18 year old knocking on your door in the middle of the night wearing --.___. very, stalkerish?

By the way kenji, didn't get to mention this earlier, but there's a high chance you got a B for that english paper if the competition you were up against was fairly mild. This may be quite stereotypical, but singaporeans excel at maths and sciences, so uhh, hopefully the competition for english is lower? lower competition = lower grades = the grade boundary would be lower = higher chance of you getting a good grade! < that's how papers are marked over here/ cambridge's too.

26th october

heya folks its math tomorrow.

thinking of getting a suit at zara

google chrome is screwing with me.

You're right, Flamie. I guess in the end it depends on whether you'd like to look at freedom in a realistic or an idealistic way. Both our points make sense, tbh.

I think you'll be fine, Kenji. Like what Flamie said, as long as you secure some good points in, you're bound to get a reasonable score. In Malaysia we have people who make grammatical errors all the time - as long as you don't make any silly mistakes, then you won't be shittin' up bricks.

Hey there, Flamie. How you doin'? We're having a one week break here for Deepavali. Festival for the Indians. Haven't touched the books yet. November 14th - aka the start of O-Levels - should be frightening me, but oddly enough, I'm still so shit calm that it's starting to be worrying.

Halloween's coming soon. No one really celebrates it here, but for now I wish I was out of the country, playing trick or treat or some stuff like that. The last year I went for a costume party, I dressed up as a witch with a fancy little broom. Couple of friends and I went singing around the neighbourhood.

Ah, good times.

bleh

cambridge is grading them. no idea how they'll mark. just feel kinda screwed. over thought my points ~_~

Hmm, interesting points there anne. But isn't freedom just an illusion? an illusion of the mind - of reality perhaps? If you believe yourself to be free, then you are free. If you believe yourself to not be free, then you are not free.

kenji, from your points, i think you could secure a B .__. ...no idea how singapore grades stuff but - if you have a conclusion of some form to your essay, it means you can get higher than a C, over here. ;__;. good luck on the rest of those buggers though.

anne, if those faces were real .____________. man, that would be impressive. a very wtf moment indeed!

how are you both, anyhow? :D haven't managed to sign into msn recently ..

There is no freedom in this world.

Superiors control us. Laws control the superiors. We are forever bounded by something - something that limits our freedom.

There are only two things that truly contain freedom -

The Mind,

and Death.

Freedom - not just freedom of speech. In many countries, freedom of speech gets you killed. Rather, it is what goes through your mind that is truly, truly free. Creativity and imaginations aren't bound to any rules and laws. The theories one has aren't bound to anything either.

And Death? Well, I don't think one needs to explain that.

I don't know...just felt like asserting my opinions on this.

24th october

i just finished the crappy test.

meh all i can say is i screwed up.

my composition was just screwed.

i did a composition on freedom.

suppose to provide 3 points. well basically when i first saw the topic i was relieved and happy. but then as things progressed my thoughts kept getting more and more complicated and more and more jumbled up.

so yea my 3 points were

freedom (physical freedom) the freedom of doing anything we want, however we are limited in a sense due to laws being in place, for example i can murder someone because i have the freedom to do it, but the consequences of my actions limits my freedom,

freedom (mental freedom) the freedom of thinking, being entitled to your own opinion, blahblahblah

freedom (freedom of choice) enough said.

didn't sound so good. =( by the time i reached the 3rd point i couldnt write well enough anymore. sigh..

GG.

and i need at least a B3 for english to be able to get into any course i want. haha.

Nuthin', mate. I probably just had too much spaghetti for dinner.

How was the first day of exams?

And, oh, imagine how creepy it would be if these emoticons were real.

2hours away

what happened anne? :o

AHHHH MY HEAD - No scratch that, MY MIND IS KILLIN' ME.

Give it a rest, my poor forsaken mind. You have tormented me enough.

FFUUUUUU.

70th post for this blog :o

wooo i take the honour of the 70th post. okay im being lame

so it begins tomorrow!

CHOING AH! TROLL THE ENG PAPER. ME GUSTA

lmfao

i prefer to look at the abs ranther then that line :D

So it's called a V-line, eh?

Yes'm, I know what those are.

I draw 'em in my imaginary guy characters all the time. Sexy? Probably, but then again, I don't see how sexy it could be when it looks like their pants are halfway dropping off.

LOL KENJI. of course you should know! you're a guy right? D:

LE GASP

tbh

i actually know what the v line was, LOL.

So...just popping by from a computer at my school.

A V line is...well...uhh...you know the bottom part of the abs where the hip bones are? It's supposed to be a 'V' shape there and - according to those three classmates it's er..."sexy".

>Flames doesn't know how to explain this without soundy pervy D:

...but - it sort of looks like their trousers are falling off...that kind of area you know? >:

>Kenji, remember to er, practice writing for english more ;D
>Anne, hope that explains it LOL. >

Oi, you two,

What the hell are V lines?

20th October 2011

im missing my computer already =(

i had to unplug my desktop n leave it out cold and alone in the living room. i bet it hates me now.

so yea today i had o level science practicals. wasnt too confident about physics as the question itself was surprising.

for chemistry however i think i nailed it~! woooo

english exams in 4days. followed by math and a full week of tests and then freedom! cant wait. but first gotta study.

i dont know whats a V line either flamie its okay.

Alas, I will be isolating myself from the computer for the next week and a half because the current a level situation calls for it, ;_;
Kenji, Anne, wishing you luck with your studies!

If either of you need to contact me for some reason or the other (doubt it, but yeah) feel free to just pop in a text message for me to come online or something.


"Hey Sweetcorn! 'know you love 'em darlin'," 
"...."
---> this is an on-going joke of my classmates' now because of the "ohh, doesn't it look like sweetcorn?" comment I made when three of my female classmates were looking at...abs...on google images...ಠ_ಠ

...and they weren't embarressed at being caught at all. ಠ_ಠ They had this kind of face " ಥ‿ಥ".

e_e. ...then, they told me what V lines were.

ಠ_ಠ shameless peepz.

All the best in your Os, Kenji.

After O Levels, you'll watch FMAB, and I'll catch Code Geass.

And I'll try to watch Gintama, because you guys have known it for ages and I still have no idea what it's about.

Mysterious food for thought.

Disclaimer: Images used belong to their rightful owners.

october 16th

practical exam, 4days and counting.

english exam followed by other papers. 8days and counting.

Out of 12 subjects in my trials, I got 10 As.

Well, it was an interesting combination of A minuses, As, and A pluses.

I'm surprised, and thought I was going to do a whole lot worse than that.

There's a B plus for my Chinese, and a C for my Add Math.

A few more weeks and there's graduation. And after graduation, O Levels aka SPM will officially begin.

So...when collecting the certificates and a special award for o levels today....
according to a few of my classmates who saw me on stage, it was an "epic trip'n'slide".

>>T'is flamie tripped on the last step up and flew half way across the stage... ;_;

...ah, i never want to see a stage again.

Ah, I feel so mean. Kenji, joo have rubbed off on me D:.

<conversation that happened in the school library>
<kid (year 7), approaches flames, (year 12)>
kid: what are you doing?
flames: drawing
kid: drawing in the library? how sad. (yeah, means, "how lame" in slang.)
flames: ....

<a few minutes later>
<the kid calls his sister for help drawing characters in the library>
<flames passes the kid drawing on the way to the library's exit>
<pause>
flames: nowonder you find drawing sad. -insert look of pity- you can't draw.

--
Now, i was happy at getting some revenge for a few minutes then,
>dam guilty

LOL D:

Guys?

I LOVE FULL METAL ALCHEMIST.

And Brotherhood.

Equivalent exchange. Hell yeah. I'm definitely adopting this concept.

FUCK SPM. I'mma slave over some hot sexy fictional character, because reality sucks.

The blunders of today.

1. searching the clothing cupboard for a rubber

2. tripping one's self over a laptop wire

3. "so you're a-sexual?"
Flames: "nono, I am certainly not a plant."
"O_O"
Flames: "wait. wait. what was the question again?"

October 10th

10days and counting


In real life I'm waking up alone
It's one more night you didn't make it home
And one more time you won't pick up the phone
In real life you never bring me flowers
When you're here it's only for an hour
I'm getting used to being on my own

Because in real life you're not what I thought
Real life, this isn't what I want
Guess things aren't always what they seem

But in my dreams, I'm waking up to roses
Champagne, kisses and I know it's always, always
Gonna be, gonna be this way
In my dreams, you're standing right beside me
Two hearts finally colliding
Then I wake up and realise, realise this is real life
Real life, this is real life
Real life, real life
Real life, whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh, oh
Real life

In real life it doesn't always work out
People fall in love and then they fall out
Hearts can break and never make a sound

Because in real life you're not what I thought
Real life, this isn't what I want
Guess things aren't always what they seem

But in my dreams, I'm waking up to roses
Champagne, kisses and I know it's always, always
Gonna be, gonna be this way
In my dreams, you're standing right beside me
Two hearts finally colliding
Then I wake up and realise, realise this is real life

Just when I thought this was all real life could be
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah
Somebody came along and made my dream reality

And now in real life, waking up to roses
Champagne, kisses and I know it's always, always
Gonna be, gonna be this way
In my dreams, he's standing right beside me
Two hearts finally colliding
When I wake up, I realise, realise this is real life

-demi lovato

nothing can be gained without a price,

that is a fundamental truth to this world.

kenji! let's work hard.

u quoted full metal alchemist.
i see what u did there

LIES FLAMIE LIES.

THIS IS FLAMIE AND I LOVE PEANUTS.

--
LMFAO KENJI. thanks for making me laugh. ah, that improved my mood. I didn't even realise it was related to full metal alchemist LOL.
Btw, you should've gone "i see what u did there ಠ_ಠ" <--- more epic.

okay, back to work. 12am right now. working to complete my deadline for tmr in a few hours. all nighter!

9th October 2011

i was just hit in the face by reality.

O's are most definitely approaching and the papers come in waves

daily waves, better bulk up. or else i won't get to be 1 of the 40 students singapore poly is attempting to take in.

kenji, start struggling till you have to keep holding on, or else you'll end up a failure.

I regret waking up at 4pm today, then lazing around for the next few hours until 9pm.

Ohhh, flames >_>....why on earth are you still tired?

One of the greatest pioneers ever.

He inspired, he made, he challenged, he delivered.

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs.

You sure were one hell of a man.

6th October

i have a small attention span =(

is this a blessing or a burden.
actually a little bit of both.

burden is, i can't keep myself occupied doing a single thing. which greatly screws up my education

good part is.

im constantly thinking. lol.

It's amazing how someone can achieve a little thing and proceed to call themselves a "pro".

For one, the real pros will never, never call themselves as being "pro". They are established as "pros" by others who acknowledge their abilities and respect them for that.

The world's too huge of a place to fully comprehend the nature of actual talents that reside there. Let's just say that it's impossible to fully explore every potential there is available, even with the nature of the technology we have nowadays.

Humility is one of the most important aspects in life. I think I'll need to learn some more of it before admonishing others, though. Still, I'm doing an okay job trying to keep my cool in situations. It's one heck of a challenge to this hotheaded trait of mine.

Just the average girl here, I guess.

If I could sleep for 3 days straight...man,
that would be brilliant.

I'm sure we all remember this.
ಠ_ಠ
ಠ_ಠ
ಠ_ಠ
ಠ_ಠ
ಠ_ಠ
you say something?
ಠ_ಠ

4th october

oh shush with your constant quotes and bullshit about love.
frankly you don't deserve it.

you're fat arrogant and 2 faced. who would want that? -.-
so just stfu already im tired of having loads of shit flooded on my walls. its annoying. you either get used to being single or stop posting shit that you think may attract a potential suitor. which is never btw.

i hate fat people.

oh shut up

its getting hella annoying. im browsing facebook and twitter and bam either fat fucks or desperate simpletons are whining about love, talking about it, giving stupid quotes from an obvious google search -.-

oh shut up. i bet most of the people whining just wants to get in the other person's pants. i don't see how u can like someone without even knowing the person for god sake. and u have the nerve to go around whining like some kind of spoiled brat. immaturity at its best. u can't have the person so u whine. god. ~_~

k now i sound like a whiny prat. but man. its annoying. oh yea n i reaffirm my statement from before. i hate fat people.the ones i know are so two faced. hopefully the rest of the fat guy population isn't similar.

my thoughts seem so jumble up-ed today @_@ i don't think i've been using proper english for this rant. what is wrong with me!

2nd October 2011

in 18 days its my olevel practical. hmm. haven't been doing anything productive as of yet. i think im gonna end up a hobo in the future if this continues but what evs i plan to die at 30 anyway.

29th september

BOOOOOO EXAMINATIONS

Alas, what I would do to catch a bit of the above.

so...discussing the weather...
Recently, Mr. weather has sent out 'I'm chill' signals with temperatures ranging between 8-14 degrees.
General public reaction: :D
However, today, it decided, "Hello ol' chaps, aren't I just fine today at 22 degrees? Jolly good day!"
General public reaction: -_-?

...moving on.
This has been the scenario the last few days, poke-fied.

Enemy uses blackout!
It's super effective!
Flamie uses sweet sugar drink!
No effect!
Enemy uses fuzzy vision!
It's super effective!
Flame uses die-you-sunova-bitch!
Enemy is down.

Hmm....from what i've seen of singaporean adverts, they're rather...well dull. (no idea about malaysia's) have a look at this, anne, kenji.

The conditional offer letter has arrived, and I even have a student number already.

Now they request for certified copies of my NZ PR page and my passport page. Oh, come on - it's not that easy to find a Solicitor or a Justice of Peace around me. I don't have too many fancy connections, but all right, the easiest way is to see my principal first.


Fuck yeah. Let's do this.




Deep down,

I'm afraid of the unknown I guess.

September 25

i hate you education. why can't u let me pursue my interests without forcing me to go through studying math and science and accounting. i don't even need those in the field of journalism/sitcom writing. well maybe basic knowledge of math. sigh

What is an apple?

<<The universe in the palms of your hands>>

<<>> September 30th <<>>

the beginning of the end

the end of the beginning

the end & the beginning

"We will issue you a conditional offer of place letter."

Well, thanks. You've kept me waiting. I knew it, though. You all wouldn't have enough students in an earthquake-scarred place like that. And if anything happens while I actually study there next year - I'll only have myself to blame. There is a risk, there are implications - and yes, I understand. And yes, I will still head over.

Dear dear university, you still want to see my forecast results eh? Shame. I'm getting papers back as the days go, and everything looks all right - except my Additional Math. Oops. On the brink of failing a subject for the first time in my life. My second term exams were much better-lookin'.

Guess what, though?

I only need to know how to count my grocery bills - petroleum engineering isn't, um, really sexy. To me, anyway.

I've been occupying myself recently by watching Fullmetal Alchemist - both the original and the Brotherhood series. 110 episodes, in a week or so. I'm glad I did that. It's given me something to take my mind off things.

September 23

hi, im kenji, im 16years old.
and i hate fat people. most of them iuno. i find MOST im not saying all of them revolting.

so yea, prelims are over. today is the last day im having proper lessons. everything is gonna be turned into teacher/student consultations. so today is my last ever period of physical education. i was enjoying myself actually. while playing badminton. later too when it was changed to captain's ball. it was fun.

till some moronic fat shitty person. who's always violent i might add. decided that he'd be the one to attempt to stop me from catching the ball. (me being captain) he did so in the most prehistoric way. seeing as me being thin and light while standing on a bench. he decided he'd use his overly huge big body that takes up space that could be put to better use. to ram the bench and me(in mid air) while i was attempting to catch the ball. which resulted in me not able to get proper footing as i landed on the falling over bench. as a result. i landed on my butt and knee. MY KNEE BEING SCRAPPED EVEN THOUGH I WAS DAUNTING LONG PANTS. (imagine the impact oh wow) and at the same time god knows why the hell i had a long fucking downward slit on my wrist. then started bleeding right away. and best part that fat fuck didn't even apologize. gosh -.- makes me wonder how fat people can be so arrogant. i know some are more financially well off which results in their size but i mean come on. if u have to be rich in fat. be rich in personality too. seeing as how that can be your only good trait.

so after i got that horrible cut. i went to the general office to get bandages, the clarks at the office were rather shocked to say the least. but attended to me anyway. the bitchy clark in the office asked me how i got this. and i told her that i simply fell. she took awhile to grasp what i said and then proceeded to tell me " u sure or not, you better not be lying" . and i was like, "why the hell would i lie about an injury like this?" and she was stumped. owned if i do say so myself. -trollface-

so afterwards the day went on rather normally. rather mundane actually.

so prelim results i got so far.
mostly all were horrible.

english 4 components
letter writing : 17/30 << rather disappointing considering i thought i did well.

summary : 14/25 << marker was a bitch nothing more i can say

comprehension : 16/25 << could have gotten better, should've been around 18 but bleh actually scored quite well.despite my disappointment. considering almost 80% of the cohort failed

composition : given on monday

Math 2 papers
paper 1 : 46/80 << rather expected kinda already knew i'd do badly
paper 2 : 69/100 << rather shocked. quite good to be honest. if i would've gotten a decent paper 1 score it would've been an A.

-satisfied-

Combined Science 5 Components
Paper 1 (MCQ) : 21/40 << gosh i guess i shouldn't have daunted the after exam mindset. didn't bother studying for this and achieved such a result.

Paper 2 Structured Answers (PHYSICS) : 39/65 << sad really, should've worked harder.

Paper 3 Structured Answer (CHEMISTRY) : 35/65 << mmmm, sad considering i actually studied for this

i have no idea whats the 4th component.

Paper 5 Practical : 12/30 << i didn't know wtf i was doing. ~_~

so overall i think i got about a C6, bad, really bad.

Combined Humanities 2 Papers

Paper 1 (social studies) : don't know yet, but from what i heard results were disappointing.

Paper 2 (literature) : 14/25 for question 2. i just hope my question 1 is an A.

Principles Of Accounting 2components

overall : 36/100 . wtf i knew i flunked it but to this extent? @_@


Conclusion, exams are disappointing. only thing i was satisfied with is math.

got to start working hard.

Stupid blunders of today:
--> checking the fridge for my mobile
--> walking in the wrong direction for around 6minutes
--> saying "well, it looks like sweetcorn right?" absentmindedly when a classmate pointed to the ab's/six pack of some online photo.

Teru Teru Bouzo -  traditional hand-made doll, seen as amulets to bring good weather. usually have faces drawn on.

 (read from right to left)

September 19th

today, or yesterday, doesn't matter a schoolmate of mine committed suicide.
he passed on at 18. may you rest in peace chu tong.

i don't know its shocking. its rather creepy too. he passed on at 18, on 18th September, on the 18th floor of block 18D , and he's birthday was 9th September.

so yea, exams exams exams. flunked a few papers, tomorrow's the last one. o's in about a month. time sure flies eh?.

this incident makes me think about the fragility of life. =/
here i am planning to die at 30, and realizing that he will have that chance to reach 30 ;/ .

R . I . P

Apparently, this is very funny, according to my mum (singaporean) and dad (malaysian).

Perhaps its a singaporean/malaysian thing? o_o

A convo today would be:

M-> "So who is that girl?"

"School mate, same year, used to hang out with her at lunch sometimes."

M-> "Oh that's good."

"Good?"

M-> "It's good to be social sometimes, instead of being a social hermit."

"..."

M-> "Mum used to worry that you were never around anyone."

"I am... er sometimes?"

M-> *shakes head* "I'm mum. I know everything." 

I had a - a, very peculiar thought today in english literature. When the teacher handed out the sheets and began the lecture...
"Hmm...this paper smells like cucumber..."

The absurity of the thought caused me to freeze, bring the sheets towards my nose and sniff.

Till now I can't figure out why on earth - it actually smelt of cucumber.

The school day:
Hmm so..."tragic hero(?)" essay on Othello and er...Macbeth has begun and is due in Nov. The sad case is that I haven't even gotten through the novels yet.

So...in japanese today I began my first lesson on translating japanese --> english. It was actually pretty okay, part from the odd kanji here and there.

Finally had the briefing for product design *BANZAI*~ now...comes the self-work.

Began writing the report for IT...forewords...contents...analysation...yeah, you get the drift...due-in date is on Sept 30th. NUUUUUUUUUUUU D:.

Maths...why teacher why, must you always set work that's "do today, hand up tomorrow" D: ...


In other news:  

Wishin' you luck, Anne, Kenji! (No drugs!)

LOL

i don't know how to insert links D:

september 14th

i flunked accounting and probably flunked math.
accounts is for sure dead.
math im not confident. hopefully a B is still in my grasp.
tomorrow's literature. im hopefully gonna do well in it. afterall besides literature and english i have nothing else im basically confident in.

i did some calculations earlier on

based on my prelims. the marks i'll get are

eng - b3
math - b4 < HOPEFULLY
comb humanities - b3 < provided i did okay for singaporean propaganda, and lit.
comb science - b3 < think i did alright
d&t - b3 probably,
accounting - c6

so if i take my best scores its still a bad 16 points. 16/45 is bad.(the lower the better) i get to deduct 1 off for my contributions to the school, even so thats still 15. 15 will get me nowhere. well it can get me in business courses but i more inclined to the drama arts. so. i need to at least get a 12 so i can make decisions on the course i want. im not that far off. but bleh.

i need at least an A1 for 1 or 2 subjects to make it. not feeling so confident. i wonder if hypnotism or prescribed drugs can cure me of my laziness. im starting to feel screwed by it.

Dear University of Otago,

PLEASE TAKE ME IN.

Look at my awesome PDF file. Look at my, er, visa. TAKE ME IN, DAMMIT.

[Runs to sleep]

Btw, what would I do without you two? Let's be maties forever, yo'. I'm feeling much better. Thanks, guys.

thus, college has begun.

I'm actually, not sure what to make of it. not hating it, but not entirely fond of it either.

They've created quite a few messed up clashes that shouldnt have occured in the first place on our schedules.
For instance:
Maths (clash) Art
Maths (clash) Product Design

Let me empathise on the stupidity of the above. Maths is an essensial subject for Art and/or Design students. Why? Simple. For design, measurements, ergonomics, etc...all require "numbers" -- aka. "maths", and art - let's say the person is planning to go into the Architecture department/ interior design in university..."maths" is actually an entry requirement for some of the better ones.

There are also:
English (clash) Drama [screenplay writers...etc, anyone?]
Economics (clash) Languages (Japanese/ Spanish/ German/ French) and Language (clash) Language[translators...business students, a language for them means that they become that much more adept if they decide to move their business into a foreign area/business deals/ good qualification for them in general...] 

Ruining futures here, Mr. "Language" College.

This is how it works in college. 9 hours worth of lessons on each subject taken over a two week course. Now usually, for those who take non-clashing subjects and, 3-4 (usual amount) a levels, that amounts to, 27-36 hours and sure they'd have lots of 'gap periods', actually.

now for those who take 5...that's 45 hours worth of lessons, top that off with around 15 more hours+ - don't forget the homework / coursework / revision.

I'd been expecting that kind of load but...honestly, maths (clash) product design? judging by the oh-not-so-kind schedules they'd kindly given every student a copy of (find your own subjects in the boxes of all the subjects basically, a page for every day) (what the hell does PT and GM stand for anyway?)...because of this... ridiculous clash, in a two week period of which I am meant to have 9 product design lessons, I'm only getting 2 - how far am I going to be from the rest of the class?

Very.

so... can I alternate between the subjects? no, because the maths department won't allow me to take maths if I'm not there for every single lesson.

Oh yeah, sure, product design isn't as important, that's just where my career lies. =.= What does my maths teacher say? "I have very few periods in which I'm free to teach you. Besides it would be unfair to the rest of the maths class."

Sure, Miss. But that means you do have free periods in which you can teach me right, when you have nothing to do? How is it unfair to my classmates? I'm practically going to be missing out lessons that they get to attend to go to my product design classes instead. Oh, "very unfair" for them and not a slightest bit "unfair" for me.

You know, I kind of wish she sort of just said she "didn't want to teach me" in her spare 'school' time instead of making up excuses as to why she can't teach me when she can and just doesn't want to. Big different there.

Got to get back to organising my schedule again. It's been two days since college started but it's still not solid. I'm not even sure which english literature class I'm supposed to be attending. Why? "Oh, the schedules aren't defined yet."

Mr. Language College, what the hell have you been doing?

Let's say due to this, I have been on the recieving end of the 'domino effect'. My english literature isn't defined, therefore, I cannot confirm my 'gap lessons' with my Japanese teacher and classmates so we can "change the schedules" to fit.

Tell you something even more funny. The product design lessons weren't even on the schedules everyone was given. It had vanished into thin air. 

This ought to give you a right laugh'

In IT class today:
*classmates shuffling through leaflets on housing details for report*
*they begin to describe the pros and cons of what it looks like etc*
Classmate1: "Oh look, this is a good one."
Flamie: "Nah. Look at the picture. It's a black and white house. Wouldn't that just turn you off?"
*Classmate1 and Classmate2 gives Flamie a disturbed and awkward stare*
*Allow Flamie 30 seconds to digest and realise the implications of what was just said*
Flamie:"Not that way!" "As in, not appealing for customers to buy!"   


Well, sorry for the long...would you say rant? Flamie is off to japanese revision and reorganising college schedules >: ...


 

September 13th

nothing much these past few days. im lazing around as usual.
flunking a sub or 2 for prelims.
cramping at midnight till the sun rises in a pathetic attempt to score.
ah life.
stupid education.

Anne,

this might be wholly inappropriate, but I do believe you need a squish...or hug or....whatever you call it.
...yes, even if it is virtual...

"Life is like a roll of toilet paper. Long and useful." Whilst this ideology might be true, one also has to admit that it is also "full of shit, bricks and hurdles." in the literal and figurative sense.

Ack, as you can see from my poor attempt at what would you call this...comforting(epic fail)? in all sincerity, Anne, feel better soon.

Heck, once your exams are over and you see your grades, you'll probably be thinking, perhaps, perhaps somewhere along the line, whatever you did, meant something.  


Whatever life throws at you, throw it's shit back at it, tenfold...and then, you'll emerge victorious.


Feel better soon, Anne.
Remember, we'll most likely be here for a long time, if you ever need someone to listen - a "kenji" and a "flamie" will be here and/or msn.


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Just returned from the airport with cousin and sister in tow.
Long day, meh.