I vowed to never again fall into such a state. To ever feel so vulnerable, to ever have been so exposed, and not cherished by the boy who means the world to me.
Last month was hell. But I'll be stronger, strong to the point where I won't need you as much anymore.
Your social circle will only keep expanding, being filled with colourful new people, new experiences and new choices.
The only thing I can actually really do, is watch from the sidelines as you tackle your way through life.
I can't expect you to be like me, someone who doesn't cherish the company of superficial friends, or someone who doesn't value companionship of people. You are and will never be like that.
I'm just so worried that along the way, you'll forget me again, like what happened last month.
My only option now is to stay as I am. Strong and independent. My 2 months left here are going to be tough, but I'll give it my all to enter command school. I'll make new friends, make new bonds. I can't ever just fall back into having no one except you anymore, it hurt too much when you weren't there.
I just hope you make the right choices, as you dive into your new environment, your new friends, your new unit.
In the end all I ever want is for you to be happy. Whether that includes me in your life or not.
I love you. But I will keep my heart from ever feeling like that again.
