29th september

BOOOOOO EXAMINATIONS

Alas, what I would do to catch a bit of the above.

so...discussing the weather...
Recently, Mr. weather has sent out 'I'm chill' signals with temperatures ranging between 8-14 degrees.
General public reaction: :D
However, today, it decided, "Hello ol' chaps, aren't I just fine today at 22 degrees? Jolly good day!"
General public reaction: -_-?

...moving on.
This has been the scenario the last few days, poke-fied.

Enemy uses blackout!
It's super effective!
Flamie uses sweet sugar drink!
No effect!
Enemy uses fuzzy vision!
It's super effective!
Flame uses die-you-sunova-bitch!
Enemy is down.

Hmm....from what i've seen of singaporean adverts, they're rather...well dull. (no idea about malaysia's) have a look at this, anne, kenji.

The conditional offer letter has arrived, and I even have a student number already.

Now they request for certified copies of my NZ PR page and my passport page. Oh, come on - it's not that easy to find a Solicitor or a Justice of Peace around me. I don't have too many fancy connections, but all right, the easiest way is to see my principal first.


Fuck yeah. Let's do this.




Deep down,

I'm afraid of the unknown I guess.

September 25

i hate you education. why can't u let me pursue my interests without forcing me to go through studying math and science and accounting. i don't even need those in the field of journalism/sitcom writing. well maybe basic knowledge of math. sigh

What is an apple?

<<The universe in the palms of your hands>>

<<>> September 30th <<>>

the beginning of the end

the end of the beginning

the end & the beginning

"We will issue you a conditional offer of place letter."

Well, thanks. You've kept me waiting. I knew it, though. You all wouldn't have enough students in an earthquake-scarred place like that. And if anything happens while I actually study there next year - I'll only have myself to blame. There is a risk, there are implications - and yes, I understand. And yes, I will still head over.

Dear dear university, you still want to see my forecast results eh? Shame. I'm getting papers back as the days go, and everything looks all right - except my Additional Math. Oops. On the brink of failing a subject for the first time in my life. My second term exams were much better-lookin'.

Guess what, though?

I only need to know how to count my grocery bills - petroleum engineering isn't, um, really sexy. To me, anyway.

I've been occupying myself recently by watching Fullmetal Alchemist - both the original and the Brotherhood series. 110 episodes, in a week or so. I'm glad I did that. It's given me something to take my mind off things.

September 23

hi, im kenji, im 16years old.
and i hate fat people. most of them iuno. i find MOST im not saying all of them revolting.

so yea, prelims are over. today is the last day im having proper lessons. everything is gonna be turned into teacher/student consultations. so today is my last ever period of physical education. i was enjoying myself actually. while playing badminton. later too when it was changed to captain's ball. it was fun.

till some moronic fat shitty person. who's always violent i might add. decided that he'd be the one to attempt to stop me from catching the ball. (me being captain) he did so in the most prehistoric way. seeing as me being thin and light while standing on a bench. he decided he'd use his overly huge big body that takes up space that could be put to better use. to ram the bench and me(in mid air) while i was attempting to catch the ball. which resulted in me not able to get proper footing as i landed on the falling over bench. as a result. i landed on my butt and knee. MY KNEE BEING SCRAPPED EVEN THOUGH I WAS DAUNTING LONG PANTS. (imagine the impact oh wow) and at the same time god knows why the hell i had a long fucking downward slit on my wrist. then started bleeding right away. and best part that fat fuck didn't even apologize. gosh -.- makes me wonder how fat people can be so arrogant. i know some are more financially well off which results in their size but i mean come on. if u have to be rich in fat. be rich in personality too. seeing as how that can be your only good trait.

so after i got that horrible cut. i went to the general office to get bandages, the clarks at the office were rather shocked to say the least. but attended to me anyway. the bitchy clark in the office asked me how i got this. and i told her that i simply fell. she took awhile to grasp what i said and then proceeded to tell me " u sure or not, you better not be lying" . and i was like, "why the hell would i lie about an injury like this?" and she was stumped. owned if i do say so myself. -trollface-

so afterwards the day went on rather normally. rather mundane actually.

so prelim results i got so far.
mostly all were horrible.

english 4 components
letter writing : 17/30 << rather disappointing considering i thought i did well.

summary : 14/25 << marker was a bitch nothing more i can say

comprehension : 16/25 << could have gotten better, should've been around 18 but bleh actually scored quite well.despite my disappointment. considering almost 80% of the cohort failed

composition : given on monday

Math 2 papers
paper 1 : 46/80 << rather expected kinda already knew i'd do badly
paper 2 : 69/100 << rather shocked. quite good to be honest. if i would've gotten a decent paper 1 score it would've been an A.

-satisfied-

Combined Science 5 Components
Paper 1 (MCQ) : 21/40 << gosh i guess i shouldn't have daunted the after exam mindset. didn't bother studying for this and achieved such a result.

Paper 2 Structured Answers (PHYSICS) : 39/65 << sad really, should've worked harder.

Paper 3 Structured Answer (CHEMISTRY) : 35/65 << mmmm, sad considering i actually studied for this

i have no idea whats the 4th component.

Paper 5 Practical : 12/30 << i didn't know wtf i was doing. ~_~

so overall i think i got about a C6, bad, really bad.

Combined Humanities 2 Papers

Paper 1 (social studies) : don't know yet, but from what i heard results were disappointing.

Paper 2 (literature) : 14/25 for question 2. i just hope my question 1 is an A.

Principles Of Accounting 2components

overall : 36/100 . wtf i knew i flunked it but to this extent? @_@


Conclusion, exams are disappointing. only thing i was satisfied with is math.

got to start working hard.

Stupid blunders of today:
--> checking the fridge for my mobile
--> walking in the wrong direction for around 6minutes
--> saying "well, it looks like sweetcorn right?" absentmindedly when a classmate pointed to the ab's/six pack of some online photo.

Teru Teru Bouzo -  traditional hand-made doll, seen as amulets to bring good weather. usually have faces drawn on.

 (read from right to left)

September 19th

today, or yesterday, doesn't matter a schoolmate of mine committed suicide.
he passed on at 18. may you rest in peace chu tong.

i don't know its shocking. its rather creepy too. he passed on at 18, on 18th September, on the 18th floor of block 18D , and he's birthday was 9th September.

so yea, exams exams exams. flunked a few papers, tomorrow's the last one. o's in about a month. time sure flies eh?.

this incident makes me think about the fragility of life. =/
here i am planning to die at 30, and realizing that he will have that chance to reach 30 ;/ .

R . I . P

Apparently, this is very funny, according to my mum (singaporean) and dad (malaysian).

Perhaps its a singaporean/malaysian thing? o_o

A convo today would be:

M-> "So who is that girl?"

"School mate, same year, used to hang out with her at lunch sometimes."

M-> "Oh that's good."

"Good?"

M-> "It's good to be social sometimes, instead of being a social hermit."

"..."

M-> "Mum used to worry that you were never around anyone."

"I am... er sometimes?"

M-> *shakes head* "I'm mum. I know everything." 

I had a - a, very peculiar thought today in english literature. When the teacher handed out the sheets and began the lecture...
"Hmm...this paper smells like cucumber..."

The absurity of the thought caused me to freeze, bring the sheets towards my nose and sniff.

Till now I can't figure out why on earth - it actually smelt of cucumber.

The school day:
Hmm so..."tragic hero(?)" essay on Othello and er...Macbeth has begun and is due in Nov. The sad case is that I haven't even gotten through the novels yet.

So...in japanese today I began my first lesson on translating japanese --> english. It was actually pretty okay, part from the odd kanji here and there.

Finally had the briefing for product design *BANZAI*~ now...comes the self-work.

Began writing the report for IT...forewords...contents...analysation...yeah, you get the drift...due-in date is on Sept 30th. NUUUUUUUUUUUU D:.

Maths...why teacher why, must you always set work that's "do today, hand up tomorrow" D: ...


In other news:  

Wishin' you luck, Anne, Kenji! (No drugs!)

LOL

i don't know how to insert links D:

september 14th

i flunked accounting and probably flunked math.
accounts is for sure dead.
math im not confident. hopefully a B is still in my grasp.
tomorrow's literature. im hopefully gonna do well in it. afterall besides literature and english i have nothing else im basically confident in.

i did some calculations earlier on

based on my prelims. the marks i'll get are

eng - b3
math - b4 < HOPEFULLY
comb humanities - b3 < provided i did okay for singaporean propaganda, and lit.
comb science - b3 < think i did alright
d&t - b3 probably,
accounting - c6

so if i take my best scores its still a bad 16 points. 16/45 is bad.(the lower the better) i get to deduct 1 off for my contributions to the school, even so thats still 15. 15 will get me nowhere. well it can get me in business courses but i more inclined to the drama arts. so. i need to at least get a 12 so i can make decisions on the course i want. im not that far off. but bleh.

i need at least an A1 for 1 or 2 subjects to make it. not feeling so confident. i wonder if hypnotism or prescribed drugs can cure me of my laziness. im starting to feel screwed by it.

Dear University of Otago,

PLEASE TAKE ME IN.

Look at my awesome PDF file. Look at my, er, visa. TAKE ME IN, DAMMIT.

[Runs to sleep]

Btw, what would I do without you two? Let's be maties forever, yo'. I'm feeling much better. Thanks, guys.

thus, college has begun.

I'm actually, not sure what to make of it. not hating it, but not entirely fond of it either.

They've created quite a few messed up clashes that shouldnt have occured in the first place on our schedules.
For instance:
Maths (clash) Art
Maths (clash) Product Design

Let me empathise on the stupidity of the above. Maths is an essensial subject for Art and/or Design students. Why? Simple. For design, measurements, ergonomics, etc...all require "numbers" -- aka. "maths", and art - let's say the person is planning to go into the Architecture department/ interior design in university..."maths" is actually an entry requirement for some of the better ones.

There are also:
English (clash) Drama [screenplay writers...etc, anyone?]
Economics (clash) Languages (Japanese/ Spanish/ German/ French) and Language (clash) Language[translators...business students, a language for them means that they become that much more adept if they decide to move their business into a foreign area/business deals/ good qualification for them in general...] 

Ruining futures here, Mr. "Language" College.

This is how it works in college. 9 hours worth of lessons on each subject taken over a two week course. Now usually, for those who take non-clashing subjects and, 3-4 (usual amount) a levels, that amounts to, 27-36 hours and sure they'd have lots of 'gap periods', actually.

now for those who take 5...that's 45 hours worth of lessons, top that off with around 15 more hours+ - don't forget the homework / coursework / revision.

I'd been expecting that kind of load but...honestly, maths (clash) product design? judging by the oh-not-so-kind schedules they'd kindly given every student a copy of (find your own subjects in the boxes of all the subjects basically, a page for every day) (what the hell does PT and GM stand for anyway?)...because of this... ridiculous clash, in a two week period of which I am meant to have 9 product design lessons, I'm only getting 2 - how far am I going to be from the rest of the class?

Very.

so... can I alternate between the subjects? no, because the maths department won't allow me to take maths if I'm not there for every single lesson.

Oh yeah, sure, product design isn't as important, that's just where my career lies. =.= What does my maths teacher say? "I have very few periods in which I'm free to teach you. Besides it would be unfair to the rest of the maths class."

Sure, Miss. But that means you do have free periods in which you can teach me right, when you have nothing to do? How is it unfair to my classmates? I'm practically going to be missing out lessons that they get to attend to go to my product design classes instead. Oh, "very unfair" for them and not a slightest bit "unfair" for me.

You know, I kind of wish she sort of just said she "didn't want to teach me" in her spare 'school' time instead of making up excuses as to why she can't teach me when she can and just doesn't want to. Big different there.

Got to get back to organising my schedule again. It's been two days since college started but it's still not solid. I'm not even sure which english literature class I'm supposed to be attending. Why? "Oh, the schedules aren't defined yet."

Mr. Language College, what the hell have you been doing?

Let's say due to this, I have been on the recieving end of the 'domino effect'. My english literature isn't defined, therefore, I cannot confirm my 'gap lessons' with my Japanese teacher and classmates so we can "change the schedules" to fit.

Tell you something even more funny. The product design lessons weren't even on the schedules everyone was given. It had vanished into thin air. 

This ought to give you a right laugh'

In IT class today:
*classmates shuffling through leaflets on housing details for report*
*they begin to describe the pros and cons of what it looks like etc*
Classmate1: "Oh look, this is a good one."
Flamie: "Nah. Look at the picture. It's a black and white house. Wouldn't that just turn you off?"
*Classmate1 and Classmate2 gives Flamie a disturbed and awkward stare*
*Allow Flamie 30 seconds to digest and realise the implications of what was just said*
Flamie:"Not that way!" "As in, not appealing for customers to buy!"   


Well, sorry for the long...would you say rant? Flamie is off to japanese revision and reorganising college schedules >: ...


 

September 13th

nothing much these past few days. im lazing around as usual.
flunking a sub or 2 for prelims.
cramping at midnight till the sun rises in a pathetic attempt to score.
ah life.
stupid education.

Anne,

this might be wholly inappropriate, but I do believe you need a squish...or hug or....whatever you call it.
...yes, even if it is virtual...

"Life is like a roll of toilet paper. Long and useful." Whilst this ideology might be true, one also has to admit that it is also "full of shit, bricks and hurdles." in the literal and figurative sense.

Ack, as you can see from my poor attempt at what would you call this...comforting(epic fail)? in all sincerity, Anne, feel better soon.

Heck, once your exams are over and you see your grades, you'll probably be thinking, perhaps, perhaps somewhere along the line, whatever you did, meant something.  


Whatever life throws at you, throw it's shit back at it, tenfold...and then, you'll emerge victorious.


Feel better soon, Anne.
Remember, we'll most likely be here for a long time, if you ever need someone to listen - a "kenji" and a "flamie" will be here and/or msn.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just returned from the airport with cousin and sister in tow.
Long day, meh.

So...I'm diagnosed with, erm, severe insomnia and erm, depression. Well, I kinda knew this might have happened, but even so!

I wish you all a happy, happy day.

":)"

Thanks, Flamie. Means a lot to me.

I'm glad I never cared much about having too many friends in school. They'll talk and laugh with me, yeah, but when I drop the real shit on them? They all scuttle and leave, like cockroaches. Why do they do that? Because - they cannot handle me, or how I feel. They cannot handle, therefore they do their best to avoid. I'm not complaining, either - pretty much matter-of-fact about it.

I don't really feel much.

Excuse me if I'm not on MSN for the time being, excuse me if I'm not there to listen to the problems you all are facing. I don't even know if I should go online after my exams.

Flamie, good luck going through college. I know how weird that lady who makes you facepalm is. And Kenji, have more faith in life. Or love.

Ttyl.

Exam stress. It really messes with your mind, I agree.

You might feel, "shit, not enough time...that's it, I'm pulling an allnighter today."

or...

"dammit, i don't get this question - or that, how the hell did that answer come about?" and realising, there might not be enough time to ask tomorrow - there might not be enough time to learn...dammit, what to do?

or...

You'll spend ages lying awake at night thinking "i can still do more. i must study. theres not enough time left. more, more, more."  somewhere in your mind and heck, somewhere along the line you might randomly get up at 3am in the morning after restlessly shuffling around in bed for the last 4 hours to study again.

however, when exams draw nearer...the importance of sleep may override the necessity of studying. You'll be awake, telling yourself, "i must sleep. i need to go to sleep or i won't be able to concentrate tomorrow," along with a billion other things running through your mind - plans made, timings..."I must sleep."

sadly, for some reason, the more you tell yourself you want to sleep, the less likely you'd be able to. why? who the hell knows?

but it happens.

breakdowns, the "i must" mentality, the need to-do-something, everything.

You'll get through it Anne. you will.

College is starting on Monday.
finding it a bit hard pressed that they're giving us our schedules on the same day.
had some mishaps but it should be okay this time.
Maths and product design clash but...hopefully, theres some space in my schedule for both, and all five of my subjects...

September 7th,8th and 9th (today)

September 7th

can't remember much about 7th,
i remember being pissed at someone.
i'll just assume it was a normal day of rotting and honning. not much studying
i assume i was pissed off at the dude who feels superior just because he was texting a girl. doubt she'll like his crackpot attitude though.

September 8th

okay this one i remember.
woke up at 7 in the morning,got ready and headed off to starbucks @ thompson plaza
got there at about 9am cause nicholas was late.( i had to meet him)
started doing abit of chemistry. for about 30mins and then progress from there got hindered as i kept getting distracted.

so at about 12pm we decided to head out for lunch. stopped by thompson plaza and ate at their kopitiam outlet. i ate nothing though.

then we went to a LAN shop. and played dota. for awhile. yea missed that game. ofcourse with me thrashing everyone :D . afterwards split ways from a group of 8. wait 7, to 5. yuan jie had tuition so he went off first. gerald and chun hwee went home. the remainder of us went to NEX @ serangoon, this new shopping centre. nicholas went to meet his primary school friends. leaving 4 people. me wei cheng <

9th September

woke up at about 12pm. ate , freshened up ,etc realized that i didn't do much yesterday.

played abit of hon. watched tv. slacked. blahblah, prolly got left out of an outing.
oh yea and finally. after yesterday, i ran out of money! officially broke. lol. so yea wasted day rotting again with no interaction from my so called "Friends" whatsoever. probably gonna do somemore chemistry tonight so the day doesnt feel so wasted. probably trying to go out tomorrow to the library so i can study. i can't delay my education anymore no matter how stupid i think it is. cause apparently the "real world" values this type of shit. first paper on monday is physics and social studies. i really hate social studies. why the fuck must i learn about the "legacy" of lee kuan yew. god. ~_~ i don't fucking care how singapore came to a nation or about the turmoil of other countries. or about governance for that matter. but ah well since this is a FORCED subject. might as well deal with it. so yea .

I'm here again. Sorry. It's just horrible when you feel like sleeping but you just can't.

Fuck. My. Life.

I'm having anxiety attacks almost every night. It's insomnia combined with an extra kick of too much adrenaline, etc, etc.

Will be getting tranquilizer pills tonight, hopefully.

Previously I thought, well, hey - sleep isn't too important.

Wrong.

Sure, you can survive one or two days without it. One whole week? Try it. With exams. With studying. With haze and a fucked-up weather. With heart palpitations whenever you try to sleep, knowing that you can't - with backaches and a throbbing shoulder, because you're having scoliosis. And you know you shouldn't exhaust your eyes too much because you have high eye pressure and pushing too much may leave you blind.

It wears me out, burns me down. Physical exhaustion, and I never thought I'd get it. I'm going into tantrum mode almost ten times a day, and...what can I say?

I'm so sick of this.

I overheard one classmate of mine saying, "Damn, I wish I would stop falling asleep everytime I hit the books!"

What did I tell him?

"Don't wish too hard. It just might come true."

September 6th 2011 - thoughts

firstly, shall describe my day,
skipped extra holiday classes today, was feeling too tired and couldn't be bothered to wake up. apparently i missed a scolding from my physics teacher cause i didn't know how to do a question.
he's a nice guy, but meh. i don't see why a student has to be scolded if he or she cannot comprehend a question instead the educator should give the solution in a way that the student can comprehend. isn't that what an educator should be?

anyways. woke up at 3pm, went into maple for awhile to check things out. afterwards went on to surf the internet for quite awhile, wasting a few hours of life. which i could be using to study. but ah well. went on to play hon later at about 8pm.

got slightly in touch with wei cheng again along the way. were talking about his love life. which apparently i shouldn't be bothering about. he was going on about some girl he probably just met and he was apparently matchmaking her off with the guy she likes. ironic. but well he spent a good 2hours on the phone with her. actually i think he's a decent guy at least. i don't imagine him being forever alone. but he has a snobbish attitude and a chauvinistic outlook in life. and terribly stubborn to his beliefs. right or wrong. i'd like to see how he'd treat a girl though, would be interesting. he was telling me she probably gave up on trying to know the guy she likes. he said it was a good thing for himself, and asked me what to do next.

im not being confident, but i think i give at least decent love advice. i told him to wait till she's over him, and he asked me when. here's the exact convo
[12:34:31 AM] Koh Wei Cheng: ya lor
[12:34:39 AM] Koh Wei Cheng: what to do?
[12:34:41 AM] Kenji Furuhashi: wait.
[12:34:44 AM] Koh Wei Cheng: haizzzz
[12:34:44 AM] Kenji Furuhashi: lol
[12:34:48 AM] Koh Wei Cheng: =.=
[12:34:51 AM] Koh Wei Cheng: how long sia
[12:34:56 AM] Kenji Furuhashi: till she gets over it?
[12:34:59 AM] Kenji Furuhashi: till u know her more?
[12:35:07 AM] Kenji Furuhashi: till u get super close?
[12:35:08 AM] Kenji Furuhashi: ._.
[12:35:09 AM] Koh Wei Cheng: i know her alot liao lor
[12:35:19 AM] Kenji Furuhashi: if u say so
[12:35:20 AM] Kenji Furuhashi: lol
[12:35:26 AM] Koh Wei Cheng: cause i know so :P

i mean its not wrong for me to tell him to wait isit? i swear he only knew her for at least a month. i mean really get to know her, not just hi bye in school type of "know" >_> and as his personally depicts. he thinks so highly of himself. ironic. how he claims he knows her so well and hardly has the testicles to talk to her in real life himself. expected of a person i consider a simpleton i guess.

went on to maple and rot somemore.

anyways back to the real rant. his issue has got me thinking. and well everyone falling in love suddenly has got me thinking. i know love is something i don't need yet, im still 16, but yes. recently i've been yearning for company, the company of someone i can share a special connection to. someone who i can rant, someone i can go out with regularly someone i can talk to everyday, share my experiences and my thoughts. i want love its not wrong for me to want love. i know that, but instead of attempting to search for it via superficial reasons like my simpleton friends. why doesn't it come to me?. for the past 3years i've had nothing at all, but ofcourse for the past 3years this hasn't been an issue for me. as i chose to rely on friends for the comfort and super i need. but as of recently i started thinking a lot more, about my life my friendships, etc and came to a conclusion. Almost all the friends i've made in real life are based of superficial reasons, at first i was hurt obviously, it made me realize that all these "friendships" were based on the give and take theory, i give my comical personality and enthusiastic fake smiles. and take their company in return. not alot of it actually. im on the loosing end. but i've given more then just my comical talent, i've given my listening ear countless of times as well as company for when they are down, i attempt to cheer them up sucessfully most of the times, but i get nothing of the same sort in return. such irony. and that is mainly why i yearn for a partner these days.yes it'll be for superficial reasons, but i doubt it'll be that way for long. i mean if i truly like that person and if that person likes me back, it'll be a relationship formed via superficial reasons that blossoms into something much more, im tired of waiting for my mr or miss right. it sucks to feel constantly alone in this cruel world. yes i have a family, but there are issues i face which my parents do not comprehend. i am no longer satisfied by just mere friendships. i want something more.

i'll rewrite the entire letter i wrote in paper on the day i felt so horrible i had to pen my thoughts down and barely spoke to anyone. much unlike my usual quirky self.

i admit i am vain, ive rejected several advances from people who attempt to know me, mostly because they are so much older then what i envisioned my ideal partner to be, also mostly because they wanted to know me for the wrong reasons. but then i met you, at first i was infatuated by that sweet smile, but as i got to know u more as a person, we share some similar thoughts, perhaps it was predestined that we met, i really wish u gave me time to know you more, you claim no one wants to invest emotions in you, theres one person right here. snooping down to the level of stalking your website facebook ,etc is not something i want to be my forte, i especially felt more connected to you when u described relationships and love, i agree with you mostly when you stated as humans we never want to feel alone, i being a prime example. a relationship is either enhanced friendship, or well lust personified, theres an eed to be together a mutual need for as you stated to feel understood. i want that. i want to be liked,feel understood,feel wanted. im sad. im tired of all the superficial relationships i keep in my life its superficial not because im not willing to get to know the person more, its superficial because im the only one contributing in both efforts and emotions to keep that pathetic superficial used friendship alive. i claim that these relationships are bad for me and i sound rather pathetic but as i've said previously, i keep them because ultimately i don't want to be completely alone in this cruel world, i want someone to understand me to comfort me as im down , though i say this obviously nobody is going to do so. im clearly in such a great emotional pain right now. anyone can tell, and yet one of the people i placed trust and well my emotions in, clearly chooses to ignore the pain im going through. i wish he'd at least asked why im so down today. or at least make an attempt to see what im writing to find out more, he chooses to close a blind eye, be ignorant to the fact im hurting so much on the inside, a great example of a superficial friendship, on the other hand someone whom im not even close to expressed concern over my predicament. i've currently expressed my emotions over the past 2hours of paper.

wow thats about almost the end of that letter i wrote to myself
LOL that was about a month ago. and im still feeling the same way i did. just a little more accepting of it i've gotten over that joel joshua goh for about a few weeks. no use picking old wounds. just redescribing the poop i feel again. about friendships about the acceptance and understanding i yearn to feel from someone.

man this is definitely verbal shit. i've spammed sorry flamie and anne LOL.

Parade

It's raining today, but I don't suppose it's a bad thing.
Singapore's rain had a different rhythm from the light tap tap of London's.

But London's rain...
It never fails to remind me of home.

Indeed.

I can't really help but wonder why on earth do I still put in effort for things that I know would never be my area of study in the future. It's probably because I hate losing and I wouldn't want to seem like a sore loser who gives up easily.

I love my elder sister, really, but I hate it when she treats me as a child. If I hear her say "Good job!" in that fanatical manner everytime I finish my dinner, I'm really going to tell her off.

Health's going down. Snap.

Have I mentioned how much I hate anything that involves counting? Physics, Math, Additional Math - they make me cry. Not literally, yeah, but you get the idea.

Even the trials are so stressful - I'd probably be hyperventilating when the real Os come. Lookin' forward to that.

5th September 2011 Wasted Day

tiresome day,
woke up at 7:30am
got ready for school
basically rotted there for a few hours
had physics till 1+
skipped math.
was feeling crappy. so went to junction 8. bought myself gong cha and stickers for my iphone.
took a cab home. took a bath and then proceeded to hon. till 5+pm then started surfing the web.
fell asleep for 30mins. woke up at around 7:30 for tuition. which ended promptly at 9 because i requested it. continued to surf youtube till now.
and now watching gintama before heading off to bed.

Oh Bugger,

Skit: "lacking motivation"

Teacher: So, why didn't you appear for the two revision sessions and the previous maths entrance exam?
Flames: I was overseas by then.
Teacher: On the day of the gcse maths exam, after it finished, I asked all the people who were interested in maths to come and see me. I didn't see you there.
Flames: I really don't remember that, Miss.
Teacher: Five students came so I could take down their details, and give them the maths revision packet. We have to keep track of all the students who want to do maths. You didn't notify me, or any other maths teachers that you would be interested.
Flames: I wasn't certain that I was coming to *this school* back then either.
Teacher: Well, the thing is, because you didn't appear for those two maths revision sessions mentioned in the prospectus or the first maths exam, it shows to me that you're not motivated.
If you do not get at least 40% in this exam, you can't take maths A levels here. You've put yourself in quite a vunerable position.
There are 60-70 students who want to take maths. Of which perhaps over 50 (the accepting number) have scored above 40% and are qualified. The other students who took the retake today have had the whole summer holidays to revise. They'll probably score higher than last time and their maths is probably much less rusty than yours.
Flames: Yeah - maths is a subject that requires constant work, else you'll get rusty.
Teacher: If you don't score the passing mark of 40%, how are you going to show me that you're motivated enough to take the course?
Flames: Well, during the summer holidays, I sort of looked through the syllabus, stuff like differentiation, logmatics, binominal...
Teacher: distribution?
Flames: No, progression.
Teacher: Okay, that shows me that you're at least interested. Come see me tomorrow, so we can discuss this again, along with your marks.

Some kind of interrogation or what?  

Rotting at home, 4th September 2011

nothing much to say about today,
did nothing productive,
wasted the time away,

woke up at 3pm,
actually at 2+- pm
was having a really nice dream only to be awoken by the sound of my ringing phone due to my tuition teacher calling me.

afterwards went to brush my teeth etc, then papu-ed for 30% on my nightlord.
afterwards played hon for awhile.
then watched bleach the entire day.
and am still doing so now, talk about rotting @_@.

Wth.

somehow, this managed to completely remind me of Gintama.
(read from left to right)

The bad drunk 

"You're making it worse, dumbass!"

H&M 3rd September 2011

as expected when i got there at 12pm the queue was huge,
met chloe opposite 313 sommerset, crossed over and started the joining the queue, the freaking queue streched all the way from ion orchard to 313, imagine that? insane amount of people.

so yea we lined up, and in about 30mins entered the 3 story building, along the way amusing things to note, men dressed uniformly were distributing fans and free 100plus drinks D: i didn't get any, T_T pshht not like i wanted any. anyways along the way to the entrance in that super long line, i noticed the campers left a truckload of rubbish outside the entrance, freaking inconsiderate if u ask me. like it was so unsightly >_>.

so anyways we got in, it was kinda overated, ur basic overcrowding occuring once in awhile, desperation in the air for new goods. it was so bad that i saw a woman freaking undressing herself under the escalators behind clothing racks. the dressing room line wasn't reassuring either, people had to wait an hour? like wtf. there was also another woman who was undressing in the open with her husband attempting to provide cover, makes me wonder how these people are.

so anyways x2 me and chloe walked around, she picked out a few stuff i picked out a few stuff,
total spent at H&M $49.80, chloe spent $27.80. thats cause she didnt buy any article of clothing

so yea, we left H&M because we didnt wanna wait for both nicholases to come in,(longline) so we just left, met them outside at the queue got my gongcha and went to ion's forever 21, where i just sat. while chloe shopped. i got bored after awhile and went to check out the men's section, there was a nice vest, shall get it next time, and its only $39.

so after that we left and went to get lunch, i wanted pastamania, but we got lazy and settled for swensens, i had mushroom and salmon pasta, chloe had chilli crab pasta. n we split a side of meatballs. meatballs were the best part of the meal, it was tasty. so along the meal i decided to check up on both nicholases that were still in H&M, after they got in they decided to try an outfit. they tried on a sweater. in a fitting room, abit stupid aren't they. they apparently lined up for an hour to try on A SWEATER. so enough about that.

after they were done me n chloe headed to cineleisure to meet them, they were grabbing burger king. so we talked proceeded to check if there were movies to watch. i wanted to watch smurfs but the timings were screwed. so we decided to head to shaw centres, but along they way we kinda lost track cause chloe didnt wanna feel guilty about spending too much money,(we spent $50 on a meal?!@?) so we ended up going to ion orchard and had starbucks. the hot chocolate there was amazing. afterwards we walked around the place. i still get lost despite the dozens of times i've been there. and along the walk we ended up in uniqlo where i bought a $15 shirt. looked american, couldn't resist. oh yea i forgot to mention at starbucks we had tons of fun playing with a soundeffect app on the iphone ahahahaha XD poor nicholas chang.

and finally we all went home after another short walk, i took 124 outside the back entrance of ion and almost fell asleep on da bus. stopped nearby and walked home to what seemed to be an empty house, only my maid was at home. took a bathe and fell asleep for 30mins. or so. woke up and started playing hon with nicholas and surprisingly weicheng for a change. ended the night with a lousy match where i was dragged down by inferior team mates. oh well thats life.

Salutations.

The future is a mystery.

P/S : I might end up turning this place into a wreck - meaning, full of melancholic posts with no certain meaning at all. Or I might even end up posting poems. Oh, hell.

you know, you really don't realise it's autumn until you see fruits dropping from the trees outside.

shall update on my h&m outing soon~! LOL

oh yeah.
Let's find a nice n' simple blogskin as well.

I just realised, it actually says who posted the post below! o.o

that's cool

so, I guess I get the second post.

any ideas for blog topics, guys?

testing, hello!