I told myself that at this point, it's really ridiculous to get boyfriends.
There's not a chance that long-distance relationships would work.
Not a chance.
I remember I had an ex who was from Canada. It was literally a 24 hour timezone difference.
And it was hard.
Sometimes we just have to be responsible and be the first to let go.
Sigh. Four more subjects to go. It sucks to be having sleeping problems again.
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Sunday, 27 November 2011
27th november 2011
i like you, i still do,
being with you just makes me happy,
i can't believe i spent time to go find u when ur halfway across singapore at 6am
i can't believe i actually sent u home. hoping it'd make an impact.
yet you still reply me with such coldness in ur messages.
still so busy, despite this being your last day at work,
it hurts,. it still does. i wish u'd see me the way i'd see you.
being with you just makes me happy,
i can't believe i spent time to go find u when ur halfway across singapore at 6am
i can't believe i actually sent u home. hoping it'd make an impact.
yet you still reply me with such coldness in ur messages.
still so busy, despite this being your last day at work,
it hurts,. it still does. i wish u'd see me the way i'd see you.
Friday, 25 November 2011
I'm going to disappear for awhile.
Early Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.
Thank you, Kenji and Anne for being there.
I'll miss you both.
Till next Jan, 2012.
Pass my regards onto shadow,
Anne, I'm sure you'll succeed in your spm and get good grades.
Kenji, you're strong willed so, heck, nothing will keep you down for long.
Take care you both, alright?
Early Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.
Thursday, 24 November 2011
Flamie, I DID email them. I always communicate through email - but they're ignoring me. I might have to pull out the big gunz soon.
Cough, I meant my mum.
Anyway, Flamie, I have that problem on and off too. Repeating stuff in the head, yes? I don't know about you, but normally this problem doesn't persist long for me. It goes away after a while as soon as I'm distracted with something else.
Want to know something else? This problem normally only happens to me when I'm really stressed up with exams, or just general problems.
Distract yourself for some time. Have some entertainment. And more importantly, regulate the audio library you have in your pc. Different sorts of music might help remove those annoying voices in your head. Read a book. Play some online games. Do anything, as long as you get away from anything that's currently pushing you in life.
Don't worry. I assure you you're not going mad or anything. Somehow it must be how our mind responses when we're faced with different sorts of situations.
Cough, I meant my mum.
Anyway, Flamie, I have that problem on and off too. Repeating stuff in the head, yes? I don't know about you, but normally this problem doesn't persist long for me. It goes away after a while as soon as I'm distracted with something else.
Want to know something else? This problem normally only happens to me when I'm really stressed up with exams, or just general problems.
Distract yourself for some time. Have some entertainment. And more importantly, regulate the audio library you have in your pc. Different sorts of music might help remove those annoying voices in your head. Read a book. Play some online games. Do anything, as long as you get away from anything that's currently pushing you in life.
Don't worry. I assure you you're not going mad or anything. Somehow it must be how our mind responses when we're faced with different sorts of situations.
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
23rd November 2011
madness, thats pretty cool.
i wouldn't mind having that actually.
at the rate im going, (seeing the person almost everyday knowing i can't have him)
i think i might end up psychotic, i mean even my subconcious likes torturing me in my dreams.
cheers flamie to having kishin posses us. LOL
on a more serious note u might wanna go get urself checked out at the doctor just in case
i wouldn't mind having that actually.
at the rate im going, (seeing the person almost everyday knowing i can't have him)
i think i might end up psychotic, i mean even my subconcious likes torturing me in my dreams.
cheers flamie to having kishin posses us. LOL
on a more serious note u might wanna go get urself checked out at the doctor just in case
I'm glad you're doing well Anne :D
...Kenji too :D
Regarding Calculus...actually, I was pretty sure that it wasn't in the syllabus in this country. Turns out, as I have recently found out....calculus is differentiation and integration.
The reaction at this discovery: "!!!"
But yes, Anne, sucks that they haven't replied. Did you send it by letter or email? o_o try email if you haven't.
...Kenji too :D
Regarding Calculus...actually, I was pretty sure that it wasn't in the syllabus in this country. Turns out, as I have recently found out....calculus is differentiation and integration.
The reaction at this discovery: "!!!"
But yes, Anne, sucks that they haven't replied. Did you send it by letter or email? o_o try email if you haven't.
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
Thanks for the advices, you two.
Hope y'all are doing fine.
I'm doin' okay, just that the university's pissing me off by not replying me. I mean, come on. I'm enquiring. The least you all should do is to fucking reply.
Off to munch on some lovely doujinshis and anime while figuring out how to solve a complicated calculus problem.
Take care and don't let anything get y'all down.
Hope y'all are doing fine.
I'm doin' okay, just that the university's pissing me off by not replying me. I mean, come on. I'm enquiring. The least you all should do is to fucking reply.
Off to munch on some lovely doujinshis and anime while figuring out how to solve a complicated calculus problem.
Take care and don't let anything get y'all down.
Sunday, 20 November 2011
20th november 2011 part 2
i found myself smiling as i drew the 2 people. which were meant to be me n him. i truly think i was in love this time. ah well i feel way better now knowing he's striaght n i'll never have him ^^
20th November 2011
so i drew this yesterday, i think i am starting to feel better. yea its good i guess.
Friday, 18 November 2011
Depends on whether you're up for it or not, Anne.
There will be some drawbacks completing it in half the time - be prepared to work like a sunovabish and stress, let's not forget the stress.
....but, wouldn't it be thrilling, constantly learning new things? and at the end of it all, wouldn't it be fulfilling?
If yes, do it.
If no, don't do it.
it's your take on it, Anne.
There will be some drawbacks completing it in half the time - be prepared to work like a sunovabish and stress, let's not forget the stress.
....but, wouldn't it be thrilling, constantly learning new things? and at the end of it all, wouldn't it be fulfilling?
If yes, do it.
If no, don't do it.
it's your take on it, Anne.
18th november 2011
you've been given the chance to proceed at a faster rate in life.
i say go for it,
i say go for it,
The university has seen my results for my trial exams, are impressed, and have offered me to complete my college year in half a year instead of one full year.
Which means I may be able to enter university immediately next mid year.
I'm hesitant on the offer, but my dad thinks I should go all out for it.
There are a lot of things to consider - it'd mean double the stress, double the workload, everything - doubled up.
Thoughts, Flamie and Kenji?
Which means I may be able to enter university immediately next mid year.
I'm hesitant on the offer, but my dad thinks I should go all out for it.
There are a lot of things to consider - it'd mean double the stress, double the workload, everything - doubled up.
Thoughts, Flamie and Kenji?
I'm sorry I woke you up, Flamie. I totally forgot about the time difference when I sent that text back.
Normally I don't really give a damn about things but yeah SPM makes my brain funky. I end up studying along with sad songs and it's raining continuously and oh it's not really a happy atmosphere, but what the heck.
Sometimes I feel that it's okay to feel a little crazy in life, Kenji.
Just make sure you don't tip the scales over.
Normally I don't really give a damn about things but yeah SPM makes my brain funky. I end up studying along with sad songs and it's raining continuously and oh it's not really a happy atmosphere, but what the heck.
Sometimes I feel that it's okay to feel a little crazy in life, Kenji.
Just make sure you don't tip the scales over.
18th november 2011
tonight was to be a night of enjoyment,
i find myself being distant from the one i have feelings for,
he doesn't seem to give a fuck about my thoughts as well,
he goes with the crowd craves for the company,
while all i want is just him,
he spares no thought about ignoring my messages or two,
even if he does reply its just a word or so,
tonight i found him giving more ignorance to what im facing,
i feel as if a stake has been driven into my chest,
it hurts,
it hurts so bad,
i just want the torment to end,
i stand here alone in my room,
plagued by emotions that weren't meant to bloom,
i shared my emotions on twitter,
only for you not to give a fuck at all,
you're prolly having fun at some after party which i didn't want to attend,
heck u must be having the time of your life, you are after all sleeping over,
tonight i shed more tears of remorse,
as i fell in love with a someone so coarse,
why can't you see that your actions make me so sad?
why can't you tell that u make me feel inferior and unimportant as well?
why oh why cant you effing tell,
tonight i shed more tears until theres no more to shed at all.
and all i have is just a screen to type to as no one cares at all.
i find myself being distant from the one i have feelings for,
he doesn't seem to give a fuck about my thoughts as well,
he goes with the crowd craves for the company,
while all i want is just him,
he spares no thought about ignoring my messages or two,
even if he does reply its just a word or so,
tonight i found him giving more ignorance to what im facing,
i feel as if a stake has been driven into my chest,
it hurts,
it hurts so bad,
i just want the torment to end,
i stand here alone in my room,
plagued by emotions that weren't meant to bloom,
i shared my emotions on twitter,
only for you not to give a fuck at all,
you're prolly having fun at some after party which i didn't want to attend,
heck u must be having the time of your life, you are after all sleeping over,
tonight i shed more tears of remorse,
as i fell in love with a someone so coarse,
why can't you see that your actions make me so sad?
why can't you tell that u make me feel inferior and unimportant as well?
why oh why cant you effing tell,
tonight i shed more tears until theres no more to shed at all.
and all i have is just a screen to type to as no one cares at all.
Thursday, 17 November 2011
17th november 2011
epic flamie is epic . xD
good luck again for your spm anne,
now to rant.
i find myself still being manipulated by these crappy feelings of affection, it has been made very clear that he is well straight, i don't know its hard to tell, i keep telling myself not to define him as something important to me or in my life, yet i still find myself being stupidly in love with him, talking to him, being with him, all makes me happy. and yet so hurt at the same time, i cannot stand how sensitive i am to the way he treats me. i find myself being all sad devastated and in rage when he doesn't seem to pay attention to my feelings, i hate that he doesn't even fucking realize what i am experiencing, and bother to be nicer or attempt to be more attentive when i try to talk to him, all i can say is fuck myself and fuck love. after all it is all my own doing that im feeling stupid nowadays. ah well. hopefully this feeling will pass on soon.
so today is prom night, everyone's dressing up etc etc. looking forward to it,
good luck again for your spm anne,
now to rant.
i find myself still being manipulated by these crappy feelings of affection, it has been made very clear that he is well straight, i don't know its hard to tell, i keep telling myself not to define him as something important to me or in my life, yet i still find myself being stupidly in love with him, talking to him, being with him, all makes me happy. and yet so hurt at the same time, i cannot stand how sensitive i am to the way he treats me. i find myself being all sad devastated and in rage when he doesn't seem to pay attention to my feelings, i hate that he doesn't even fucking realize what i am experiencing, and bother to be nicer or attempt to be more attentive when i try to talk to him, all i can say is fuck myself and fuck love. after all it is all my own doing that im feeling stupid nowadays. ah well. hopefully this feeling will pass on soon.
so today is prom night, everyone's dressing up etc etc. looking forward to it,
Good luck again, Anne! >I'm finding it amusing that I sent you a text wishing you good luck before seeing your post :x.
but hmm ;_;....
I have done something rather...embarrassing today. I must say though, that I don't remember it at all.
Apparently whilst I conked out on the settee in the living room where my family was celebrating my sister's birthday and doing the..."Happy birthday to you," song - I, asleep, sort of sat up for a brief few moments and went: "Happeh birt-day to yhooo," when they were on the last verse before hitting the pillow again, dead asleep.
;_;...they aren't gonna let me live it down
but hmm ;_;....
I have done something rather...embarrassing today. I must say though, that I don't remember it at all.
Apparently whilst I conked out on the settee in the living room where my family was celebrating my sister's birthday and doing the..."Happy birthday to you," song - I, asleep, sort of sat up for a brief few moments and went: "Happeh birt-day to yhooo," when they were on the last verse before hitting the pillow again, dead asleep.
;_;...they aren't gonna let me live it down
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Saturday, 12 November 2011
12th november 2011
i had an interesting day at universal studios on 11/11/11 :) reinforcing moi feelings for himz. booo me.
Friday, 11 November 2011
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
9th november 2011
still being foolish!
im doing fine flamie pew. hope u guys are doing fine as well. btw flamie cygnus is lv160 to enter. sucks huh
im doing fine flamie pew. hope u guys are doing fine as well. btw flamie cygnus is lv160 to enter. sucks huh
Seriously Anne? Ouch. That's....is it something to do with the fact that malaysia is an Islamic country? I mean - I remember somewhere in their holy book it says to kill "the one who is doing it and the one is it being done to" in reference to gays/lesbians.
Kenji, no laughing trees man. LOL. By the way, I didn't make this very clear, but it's only uhm, Roman Catholic churches. I'm not sure about other types of Christianity - however, I do know that some more "modern" or protestant as you would call it - churches, do accept homosexuals being together to some extent.
Hmm...a few things of today:
Early in the morning - Flames nearly used his toothbrush to literally brush his hair before realising two seconds later "oh...it's a toothbrush not a comb,"
Later in the day - Flames helped teach a year 7 class (5 years junior) maths. ...and was surprised by the ridiculously low level before he remembered "oh...no wonder I used to doodle and sleep in class."
...and now, it's 5pm. Alas, *scurries off to work*
Kenji, Anne, hope you're both doing well
Kenji, no laughing trees man. LOL. By the way, I didn't make this very clear, but it's only uhm, Roman Catholic churches. I'm not sure about other types of Christianity - however, I do know that some more "modern" or protestant as you would call it - churches, do accept homosexuals being together to some extent.
Hmm...a few things of today:
Early in the morning - Flames nearly used his toothbrush to literally brush his hair before realising two seconds later "oh...it's a toothbrush not a comb,"
Later in the day - Flames helped teach a year 7 class (5 years junior) maths. ...and was surprised by the ridiculously low level before he remembered "oh...no wonder I used to doodle and sleep in class."
...and now, it's 5pm. Alas, *scurries off to work*
Kenji, Anne, hope you're both doing well
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
It's not only in Europe.
They've just banned a gay/lesbian rights march in Malaysia here.
But I love my friends, and no matter who you all choose and who you all are in the future, I'm still gonna be there for all of you. Like hell if I care what your sexual preferences are. That's for the 'tards, people. And 'tards will be 'tards, cause they're 'tards.
The world has lots of 'tards. We just gotta live with 'em.
They've just banned a gay/lesbian rights march in Malaysia here.
But I love my friends, and no matter who you all choose and who you all are in the future, I'm still gonna be there for all of you. Like hell if I care what your sexual preferences are. That's for the 'tards, people. And 'tards will be 'tards, cause they're 'tards.
The world has lots of 'tards. We just gotta live with 'em.
Sunday, 6 November 2011
6th november 2011
it has started. the rebellion i started forming since last year has finally taken action. soon. the churches shall fall. and flamie shall be stuck in a forest full of laughing trees. -maniacal laugh-
Saturday, 5 November 2011
November 5th 2011
thanks. anne.
good luck on your upcoming spm.
i need to rant today,
recently i've been crushing on a guy, who appears to be reciprocating my feelings. though i assume its a joke, for comic relief. after all i've read of straight people just pretending for the heck of it. but then again, i let my feelings blind my rational thought. what was i thinking? i let a obviously straight guy fool me into thinking that i actually might've had the chance to find happiness. god i sound so cheesy. i let him fool me into thinking we could get into a relationship. i hate my emotions. i hate the fact that im a homosexual, i hate the fact that i have to find out if the other party is the same sexual orientation before even continuing progress. if i bother to take a risk it either gets akward or the friendship basically ends or my social life just basically comes to a halt and comes shattering down. i hate all of these. fuck conservatist . fuck the singaporean sexual discrimination campaigns. fuck its laws. but most importantly fuck myself for falling for someone not in my grasp. and letting myself get fooled by the gestures the habits the way we talk. now i have to go through the entire process of being angered. upset and hurt. ah well its life i can't stop this. but just maybe i was wishing for this to work out. screw this. ah well. i shall not let myself to get fooled anymore by the gestures and the way of speech we seem to have. i shall shatter this fantasy i carved for myself.
okay thats done. i bought a suit today!!! :D i spent a bomb like $400 and stuff. really happy.~ k maybe not.
good luck on your upcoming spm.
i need to rant today,
recently i've been crushing on a guy, who appears to be reciprocating my feelings. though i assume its a joke, for comic relief. after all i've read of straight people just pretending for the heck of it. but then again, i let my feelings blind my rational thought. what was i thinking? i let a obviously straight guy fool me into thinking that i actually might've had the chance to find happiness. god i sound so cheesy. i let him fool me into thinking we could get into a relationship. i hate my emotions. i hate the fact that im a homosexual, i hate the fact that i have to find out if the other party is the same sexual orientation before even continuing progress. if i bother to take a risk it either gets akward or the friendship basically ends or my social life just basically comes to a halt and comes shattering down. i hate all of these. fuck conservatist . fuck the singaporean sexual discrimination campaigns. fuck its laws. but most importantly fuck myself for falling for someone not in my grasp. and letting myself get fooled by the gestures the habits the way we talk. now i have to go through the entire process of being angered. upset and hurt. ah well its life i can't stop this. but just maybe i was wishing for this to work out. screw this. ah well. i shall not let myself to get fooled anymore by the gestures and the way of speech we seem to have. i shall shatter this fantasy i carved for myself.
okay thats done. i bought a suit today!!! :D i spent a bomb like $400 and stuff. really happy.~ k maybe not.
Friday, 4 November 2011
Malay is....o_o...*stares at anne's photo*
but. LOL. dammit kenji, must you always bring up those trees? you're never gonna let me live it down D:
but. yeah, anne, if it was my subconsciousness trying to tell me something,
then, I have a very honest and blunt subconcious, especially if that dream is
what I think it is in a metaphorical sense.
Ahem. I think the big mention of the day goes to: KENJI. Grats man, you smashed those exams :D.
but. LOL. dammit kenji, must you always bring up those trees? you're never gonna let me live it down D:
but. yeah, anne, if it was my subconsciousness trying to tell me something,
then, I have a very honest and blunt subconcious, especially if that dream is
what I think it is in a metaphorical sense.
Ahem. I think the big mention of the day goes to: KENJI. Grats man, you smashed those exams :D.
Thursday, 3 November 2011
le laughing trees be amused
tomorrow's the last day of exams. FREEEDOM IS IN MY REACH
and, i didnt screw accounting ultra badly. despite not studying. woohoo.
and things are starting to get akward with me and the guy i like, public displays of affection apparently get different views from others. but ah well who cares.
and, i didnt screw accounting ultra badly. despite not studying. woohoo.
and things are starting to get akward with me and the guy i like, public displays of affection apparently get different views from others. but ah well who cares.
Officially had our graduation ceremony today.Oh, in case you're wondering, it translates to - "Graduation Ceremony 2011 and Pn. Sim's Retirement", with the date, time and location below. Yeah, we had a teacher retiring and that coincided with our graduation ceremony, but no matter. I've graduated, and am about to face the war of O-Levels. Not yet, not now, but pretty damn soon.
Flamie, that was seriously a grotesque dream. I've had dreams of killing, being killed, teeth falling out, hand being slashed, being chased, repeated zombie nightmares, etc., but I've never had a dream of nails like that. Come to think of it, I wonder why wasn't there any blood in your nightmare. Mine always end up being so bloody. They say that dreams are actually in the form of your subconscious mind trying to tell you something - either that or we have somehow focused on those things so much that they come to us at night.
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
Hey Anne, nice to see you too :D.
Kenji, stop beating yourself up over it okay? The exams' are done and dusted :/. Focus on achieving better on your remaining papers instead and, don't doubt yourself too much!
Regarding the lad who's caught your interest,
...might it be the same guy you've been pinning over for awhile now? You know, that one that used to sit next to you and distract you lots? o.o
And Anne, regarding your post...
You're right.
This is my face reading uncharted topics: "...ಠ_ಠ" It is the look of ಠ_ಠ = "I see..."
But hmmm...O levels eh? ~nostalgic~ T-this might sound strange, but I kind of miss it, because, because, I got to spend more time with you guys .___.
Alright, I'm off, drowning in papers - coursework meh x_x.
Kenji, stop beating yourself up over it okay? The exams' are done and dusted :/. Focus on achieving better on your remaining papers instead and, don't doubt yourself too much!
Regarding the lad who's caught your interest,
...might it be the same guy you've been pinning over for awhile now? You know, that one that used to sit next to you and distract you lots? o.o
And Anne, regarding your post...
You're right.
This is my face reading uncharted topics: "...ಠ_ಠ" It is the look of ಠ_ಠ = "I see..."
But hmmm...O levels eh? ~nostalgic~ T-this might sound strange, but I kind of miss it, because, because, I got to spend more time with you guys .___.
Alright, I'm off, drowning in papers - coursework meh x_x.
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
again
again i cannot help but stress my stupidity on missing out on that FREE A. which could be really USEFUL for my results. great job kenji. go smack yourself.
1st november 2011
i wont be contributing to the earthly population actually. i'll be depriving another individual from contributing. heh.
anyways rather foul mood today.
chem was easy. but due to my ignorance and my lack of reading for a particular question and the fact that i didnt trust my fucking gut. i prolly missed out on a very high A. all i can say is fuck myself for not reading and loosing that 6/65 marks. seriously fuck myself. i screwed up a good chance of getting a decent mark. thats all i can say.i bid thee farewell to my good o level marks for science. because i'll need a really high A for physics to balance it out because im stupid enough to miss out on 6 free freaking marks.
anyways rather foul mood today.
chem was easy. but due to my ignorance and my lack of reading for a particular question and the fact that i didnt trust my fucking gut. i prolly missed out on a very high A. all i can say is fuck myself for not reading and loosing that 6/65 marks. seriously fuck myself. i screwed up a good chance of getting a decent mark. thats all i can say.i bid thee farewell to my good o level marks for science. because i'll need a really high A for physics to balance it out because im stupid enough to miss out on 6 free freaking marks.
Dear Flamie, all these might seem gibberish to you - but it's more for Kenji to read, and I needed a place to express myself as well. So, here goes.
It was Halloween yesterday.
Of course nothing interesting happened. I stayed at home, knocked some stuff around, and tried my hardest to study.
And oh, my thoughts wavered around an ex of mine that I met during last year's Halloween party. I had dressed myself up as a witch, though people were so convinced I came as an anime character thanks to those fishnet gloves I got at some shop. My ex - he actually came as Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist - I still have the damn photos. He bought the whole darn outfit, complete with the silver pocket watch and all. Anyway, the rest of it was history. We hit it off, and were quite a source of gossip amongst school mates. We had our 'fun' in school, but I finally broke the relationship up after I came back with deep thoughts from my Europe trip in December. I didn't feel connected to him, and he was just being pushy over kissing. You all probably remember how I ranted about that.
Things were complicated after that. We rarely spoke to each other, and he was too afraid of giving me the cake he baked for my birthday. I didn't know about that, and only realized it a few days ago when his friends told me.
And so I casually texted him last night (Physics is a bitch), just for the heck of it. We were polite, pleasant, and the whole thing was fun. I smiled in a genuine manner after that, because I felt as if something heavy was lifted off me. It was probably the guilt. For months he and I could never talk to each other normally, and last night...well, sometimes someone just has to take the first step.
Dear, dear Kenji -
It's normal to fall hard. All the guys that I have truly fallen hard for have never accepted me, but guess what? I'm not going to give up on love, or the theory of love - until I finally find it. If you've ever come across close to giving it up (as how I sometimes feel), then remind yourself that since we've - ba-duhm - achieved a seven billion human population in this world, true love's probably waiting somewhere out there. In another country, in another place - someone - no, wait, I'm confident that thousands, even millions - are thinking about finding a real partner for themselves too.
What are the chances of us failing again, and again? High, definitely. But what are the odds of us failing again, and again - for the rest of our lives - and not even have a proper relationship which we truly cherish - once?
Keep living life, because somewhere out there - there are people who actually fight for their lives. People who fight to live, people who live to fight.
Anne's random rant #2 - OMG LIKE BBQ TWO MORE WEEKS AND SPM A.K.A O-LEVELS WILL HIT ITS OFFICIAL BEGINNING.
It was Halloween yesterday.
Of course nothing interesting happened. I stayed at home, knocked some stuff around, and tried my hardest to study.
And oh, my thoughts wavered around an ex of mine that I met during last year's Halloween party. I had dressed myself up as a witch, though people were so convinced I came as an anime character thanks to those fishnet gloves I got at some shop. My ex - he actually came as Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist - I still have the damn photos. He bought the whole darn outfit, complete with the silver pocket watch and all. Anyway, the rest of it was history. We hit it off, and were quite a source of gossip amongst school mates. We had our 'fun' in school, but I finally broke the relationship up after I came back with deep thoughts from my Europe trip in December. I didn't feel connected to him, and he was just being pushy over kissing. You all probably remember how I ranted about that.
Things were complicated after that. We rarely spoke to each other, and he was too afraid of giving me the cake he baked for my birthday. I didn't know about that, and only realized it a few days ago when his friends told me.
And so I casually texted him last night (Physics is a bitch), just for the heck of it. We were polite, pleasant, and the whole thing was fun. I smiled in a genuine manner after that, because I felt as if something heavy was lifted off me. It was probably the guilt. For months he and I could never talk to each other normally, and last night...well, sometimes someone just has to take the first step.
Dear, dear Kenji -
It's normal to fall hard. All the guys that I have truly fallen hard for have never accepted me, but guess what? I'm not going to give up on love, or the theory of love - until I finally find it. If you've ever come across close to giving it up (as how I sometimes feel), then remind yourself that since we've - ba-duhm - achieved a seven billion human population in this world, true love's probably waiting somewhere out there. In another country, in another place - someone - no, wait, I'm confident that thousands, even millions - are thinking about finding a real partner for themselves too.
What are the chances of us failing again, and again? High, definitely. But what are the odds of us failing again, and again - for the rest of our lives - and not even have a proper relationship which we truly cherish - once?
Keep living life, because somewhere out there - there are people who actually fight for their lives. People who fight to live, people who live to fight.
Anne's random rant #2 - OMG LIKE BBQ TWO MORE WEEKS AND SPM A.K.A O-LEVELS WILL HIT ITS OFFICIAL BEGINNING.
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