21st August 2012

hey anne,

i guess i should apologize as well, being one of those who ignorantly didn't realize how much of a painful experience you went through back home, and well being forced to revisit the unpleasant things isn't nice. I'm sorry for not taking what you typed on facebook as seriously as i should.

i know returning to malaysia and revisiting your room and the other things you've left in there may hurt and remind you of the bad stuff, but hey, thats what they're ever gonna be, memories of the past. and believe or not, i'm pretty sure you've changed, yes the memory may haunt you and they may open some old wounds, but all they're ever gonna be are memories. All you have to do is overwrite them with new pleasant ones, i mean you're 18, theres still lots of time to re write and erase those horrible moments. I know what im saying now is probably crap, and yes i can't really help ease the pain of going back, but since you have to go back, might as well make the best of it, eh? have some fun visiting your friends, the ones worth being there for and worth remembering. Try your best not to browse through the old stuff that might bring back those bad feelings. Look forward to the future, don't dwell back to the past and feel bad :/ . Cheer up ya.

and again all the best for your driving tests. and well -hug- . come to think of it, Anne i never did thank you properly for that post. That post churned enough emotions to reduce me to a crying piece of cheese, well in public, cause i was reading it on the phone in school. but yeah thanks Anne, the tears all came out after that.

I've been doing fine i guess, heavy gaming, catching new shoes and re-establishing my relationship with my secondary school mates. It has been an emotional roller coaster since the end of july to near mid august, but yeah i can safely say i'm doing better. i even went on a date with someone younger than me on friday. i didn't exactly have the best time of my life, but it was alright. and i think i'll hold off on dating and yearning for a relationship for awhile, all that crap made me realize i can't exactly hope for the best and have things turn out the way i want. so yeah i'll just be single and die alone with my dog or smth. or at least till im old enough to go into a club or smth, actually i dont know, all the blabber im typing now must sound weird, forgive me its 4:15am in the morning and im studying for a test tmr.

oh yeah did i forget to mention its exam week, oh the joy of having to sit for business modules like accounting, economics and statistics, not to mention i screwed up my marketing paper last friday because i was 30mins late for the paper, for some odd reason i thought the paper was 30mins later than the appointed time. i was busy studying the whole night too, what a shame.

and after all that crap i've felt the past weeks, i can't help but think that im becoming a rather mean and nasty person, i mean i am like that on the outside, but on the inside i've always thought of myself as a wonderfully nice and beautifully gentle soul. but recently, i kept finding myself wishing for the exact same kind of pain and misery to befall on that fella who broke my heart, i keep feeling anger and rage against him, though i know he doesn't deserve it, and well i don't exactly show it to him, which means im a fake as well. I find myself smiling at the mere thought of him sitting down and crying and going through the same shit i felt. I can't help but feel that im turning into a bad person.  honestly i don't think its justified that he go through the same things i went through, but still..... bleh. k i should stop the verbal vomit, my brain isn't exactly functioning alright now.

just wanted to let you guys know im fine, what goes up must come down from time to time eh?. and thanks again for being there for me, the both of u.