29th November 2013

I didn't have the experiences you did.

I didn't and I don't even think I could ever assimilate into the clubbing community.

I don't have many friends.

I don't make friends easily.

I don't open up to people even after extended periods of time.

I'm not exactly "good" looking.

I don't receive compliments from people daily.

Only from you.

I haven't felt what it was like to be wanted by people.

I've never felt significant to anyone except my parents and you.

I don't have loads of people liking my instagram pictures or complimenting me.

If we ever end up not working out, I can't just return to "clubbing life" and getting back all the feelings desirability unlike you.

I'd end up rotting in my own room playing games.

Games in which I play alone. Because everyone's either grown up or moved on.

I don't like playing alone.

I don't like the empty lonesome feeling I get at night.

I guess what I'm saying is, and no matter how shallow it sounds.

I like it that sometimes people try to talk to me.

People try to get closer to me.

I do like it.

It feels good.

It makes me feel a little better about myself.

That perhaps maybe someone else besides you would want me.

Lets face it. You can and you could do a lot better than me.

Perhaps maybe the little amounts of attention I get isn't enough.

Perhaps I want to feel more wanted, more significant.

I must sound like the most selfish person on earth right now.

But I think what I want is a bigger sense of conformity. 

A more bigger sense of acceptance.

These are the reasons why I was so reluctant to block him. Why I was so reluctant to not talk to anyone.

Because when you leave me. If you leave me. I'll have no one.