Well, theres approximately 5days left till the new year. 2012 hasn't exactly been the best year for me. bad grades, parental problems. friendships. stupid behavior on my part. I'm hoping that 2013 will be a better one. One where i'll have decent grades, "friends" who don't make me feel so isolated from humanity, a conflict free home i can return to, and basically to fall hopelessly and endlessly in love with someone that'll feel the same way too.
I'll be 18 in 2013. maybe acquiring my driving license, be actually legal to enter clubs/bars and consume alchohol. Though i doubt i'll be abusing those privledges, k probably the driving ones. I'll be finally able to go out in the night for something to eat. meet friends, and basically travel to the sea side to scream should the need ever rise.
But more specifically what i want in 2013 for myself, is more self confidence. having been plagued by acne, has left my self esteem in shambles. I remember back in 2009, i would stay at home during the holidays and only go to school during the weekdays, i'd brave the crowds with my head faced downwards. I'd suffer from social anxiety , afraid that people were looking at my atrocious skin. I still get that at times. Heck, i felt so ugly it was actually funny. I'd even not have the will to take any photos even with friends. much less ones of myself. Even now, though my acne has settled down, and my skin isn't as bad as it was before, I still find myself repulsive. i still don't have the confidence to settle into a photo. i go out with my friends and they're spamming photos while i hide in a corner. I wanna feel, like well, as vain as it sounds, good about the way i look. I wanna go into a club or bar and have people hit on me, though with my wallflower like personality, that'd prolly be asking for too much.
To further blabber on, I also want to get into a serious relationship in 2013. It's not like i've not been given the opportunity to have some in 2012. heck i've dated different people across this year. quite a couple of nice people actually. But in the end, i found out that i have commitment issues. Most of them I only met once or twice and completely cut off contact in a really really harsh way. I'll just ignore them and act like they don't exist. Kinda an ass move on my part. but well, I couldn't imagine myself being with them nor did i have feelings with them i guess. bleh, whatever im typing tonight doesn't make sense.
While im on the topic on relationships, I also want to stop falling for people whom i get too close to. Its wrecked too many friendships of mine. its ruined so much things for me. but then again, falling for people whom you get too close to means its genuine. so...
k i shall continue this another day. i'm lacking the brain cells, and the emotions needed to make this a meaningful wishlist. lol.
and before i forget.
Merry Christmas and New Year Anne and Flamie,
I wouldn't be sane right now if it weren't for you 2.
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